‘Yes, No, Maybe’ List: How to Make a Sexual Inventory Checklist

A “yes, no, maybe” list is a catalog of sex acts that prioritizes consent and communication among sexual partners. The “yes” column is for acts that you want to try; the “maybe” column is for acts you would consider trying; the “no” column is for acts that you are uncomfortable performing. Sexual acts that might appear on this type of list include:

• Kinky sex positions
• Experimenting with BDSM practices (like spanking, restraints, or using a sexual blindfold)
• Increasing eye contact during sex
• Using sexual health items (like lube)
• Exploring fetishes (like latex)
• Trying different sex toys (like vibrators or butt plugs)

Nothing is off-limits in a “yes, no, maybe” list, making it a great way to start talking about sex with a new partner.

A “yes, no, maybe” list is a great way to start a dialogue with your partner about exploring new acts in the bedroom. Follow these steps to make your list and get the conversation started.

1. 1. Determine the list of activities. To sort sexual acts into “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” (y/n/m) categories, you must first have a list of activities. Research “yes, no, maybe” lists online, or make your own with your partner. You can discuss acts like role-playing, anal sex, exploring different kinks (like BDSM), mutual masturbation, blindfolded oral sex, reading erotica together, and other sexual fantasies. Check out this intro to kinky sex.
2. 2. Sort the lists independently. Next, you and your partner should take time to sort each sex act on your lists independently, according to how eager you are to try it. Sorting items is not the same as providing consent or confirming interest. This step serves more as a conversation starter for you and your partner.
3. 3. Compare the lists. Compare the “yes/maybe/no” items on your lists with one another. First, focus on the “yes” items that indicate overlapping interests between you and your partner. Unpack your “maybe” items to explore the circumstances under which you’d be comfortable trying the new act. Avoid placing any judgments on the“no” items, and steer clear of forcing a compromise, which may violate their body boundaries.
4. 4. Discuss each item. Comparing lists is bound to bring up questions, so take your time to discuss each item you like, dislike, or are unsure about. Take special care to talk through each other’s “maybe” items, especially if they’re on the other person’s “yes” list.
5. 5. Incorporate the approved acts into your sex life. Understanding your partner’s sexual desires and openly communicating your interests leads to more enjoyable and safer sex. After confirming consent with your partner, try incorporating some of the “yes” items into your sex life. Afterward, discuss how the experience felt and what you might do differently next time.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).