What Is Nonbinary? Understanding Nonbinary Gender Identities

The term “nonbinary” means to reject typical binary gender identities in favor of more fluid self-expression. While everyone’s gender expression is unique, nonbinary people differ most primarily from cis or cisgender people in how they feel the mainstream concepts of manhood or womanhood are too confining and inadequate to describe their own experiences and identities.

Keep in mind, a person’s nonbinary gender identity is different from their sexual orientation. For example, if someone tells you they’re bigender, it’s not necessarily true they also identify as bisexual. Similarly, nonbinary or genderqueer people are not necessarily intersex people either. In general, refrain from assuming anything about a person’s gender or sexual identity—let them guide you in how they would like you to treat them and refer to them.

Nonbinary is an umbrella term that captures the breadth of various different gender nonconforming identities. There are many different nonbinary gender identities, but here are five to consider:

1. 1. Agender: Certain folks feel no need to abide by gender expectations of any sort. Agender people might dress in gender-neutral clothes or refrain from acting in a particularly masculine or feminine way. To people of this identity group, gender is a script they have no interest in following in any respect.
2. 2. Bigender: Perhaps you feel at home exhibiting the traits of both binary gender norms. Bigender people feel there’s no need to choose between expressing themselves as a man or a woman specifically, as they identify with both masculine and feminine traits. Certain Indigenous North Americans used the term “two spirit” to refer to bigender people, terminology that expresses this sense of duality.
3. 3. Demigender: If someone tells you they’re demigender, that means they feel partially connected to a particular gender identity. For example, a demiboy might feel some connection to societal prescriptions of masculinity but not enough to adhere to cisgender male norms consistently. Demigender people exist on all different frequencies of the gender spectrum, as some might have more or less of a connection to gender norms than others.
4. 4. Gender-fluid: For some, the experience of gender morphs over time, so they might identify as being gender-fluid. For example, certain young people might feel like they most identify with the norms people associate with the opposite gender for a while, only to later feel more comfortable with the gender roles people assigned to them at birth.
5. 5. Transgender: Some people feel more comfortable inhabiting the opposite gender than the one people assigned to them when they were a child. For example, someone assigned male at birth might identify as a trans woman later in life. Some trans people might seek out gender-affirming medication or surgery, while others might choose to only change their outward gender expression. While some people consider the terms “transgender” and “transsexual” interchangeable, the latter might cause offense. As such, it’s good practice to avoid it.

They/them pronouns are the most common ones nonbinary people opt to use. These allow people to sidestep the gender binary while still relying on pronouns with which everyone is familiar. Other people may instead opt for neopronouns like xe/xem or ze/hir. On a similar note, some nonbinary people refer to themselves by the colloquial name “enbies”—a stylized way of saying N.B. for nonbinary.

If you took a survey of nonbinary people, it’s quite possible each respondent could ask you to refer to them by different pronouns. These often indicate specific aspects to their gender identity, as in whether they relate more to one side of the traditional gender binary than the other or feel better understood as inhabiting a unique third gender. Additionally, it’s important to note gender terminology is constantly evolving.

Gender identity is what someone understands themselves to be on a personal level, whereas gender expression is how someone chooses to present themselves. For example, many transgender people identify with the gender that’s opposite to the one people assigned to them at birth. They might also express themselves through wearing clothing and accessories people associate with this opposite gender.

Still, there can also be discrepancies between a person’s stated gender identity and expression. For instance, one transgender survey indicated at least one-third of transgender people identify as nonbinary. This indicates they might feel comfortable expressing themselves in both masculine and feminine ways at different times. For that matter, it’s possible for even cisgender people to express themselves in atypical ways.

Nonbinary people deserve kindness, support, and understanding just like everyone else. Here are a few ways to support nonbinary people:

• Ask polite questions. If someone tells you they identify as nonbinary, ask them how you can best make them feel comfortable. They will tell you the correct pronouns so you can avoid misgendering them. Avoid asking invasive questions about their genitalia or chromosomes—these are rude whether you’re talking to a cisgender or nonbinary person.
• Be kind. Nonbinary individuals face bullying, discrimination, internal gender dysphoria, gender inequality, and a host of other barriers and injustices. Do your part to support their mental health by being kind and considerate. Treat them the same as you would treat anyone else and extend your hand in friendship.
• Stand up for people’s rights. Imagine how it would feel for someone to tell you it’s wrong for you to express and identify with your own gender. This is something nonbinary people experience every day. It manifests as much in not receiving the right health care as it does in hearing snide comments from cruel people. Fight for the equal rights of people in the nonbinary and LGBTQ+ community at large.

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