What Is Mirroring? Chris Voss on How to Use Mirroring

Chris Voss is an acclaimed businessman, author, and academic with twenty-four years of experience as a Federal Bureau of Investigation hostage negotiator. At the FBI, Chris led negotiations with some of the world’s most dangerous criminals in high-pressure situations. After receiving his bachelor’s degree from Iowa State University and a master’s in public administration from the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University, he became a SWAT officer at the FBI’s Pittsburgh field office. He later became a lead crisis negotiator and a key player in the New York City Joint Terrorism Task Force. After retiring in 2007, Chris joined the private sector and founded the Black Swan Group, a negotiation training and consulting firm dedicated to teaching people how to negotiate.

Mirroring is a communication method in which someone repeats critical parts of what their conversation partner says to win over their trust and attention. Mirroring showcases active listening and can be a strategic communication skill for salespeople, romantic partners, and job interviewees. As a negotiation strategy, mirroring behavior helps build rapport with and gather information from criminals.

Negotiators might mirror others’ word choices and nonverbal communication—such as facial expressions, hand gestures, and body language—to build trust. This mimicry and picking up on nonverbal cues help the negotiator better converse with and confront their subject. Over time, this can mean the negotiator gets what they want without making the person feel duped or used, making for a more pleasant interaction and seamless process.

Chris has a great deal of experience working with subjects who would rather not speak. Here, he shares mirroring techniques that have made him a successful negotiator. Follow these tips for more leveraging power:

1. 1. Invite others to see your case. Negotiation isn’t about convincing others of your preference. “One of the sayings about negotiation is it’s ‘the art of letting the other side have your way,’ so mirroring gets them talking and creates the opportunity for them to present you with your deal, only they thought it was their idea,” Chris says.
2. 2. Keep an ear out for one to three key words. Repeat a few key terms back to your subject to forge a connection. “Typically, it’s the last one to three words of what somebody’s said,” Chris says. “But when you get good at mirroring, you could pick one to three words from anywhere in the conversation.” This tactic makes, as Chris says, “the other person feels listened to—it tends to connect thoughts in their head.”
3. 3. Try mirroring in low-stakes situations. The first time you try mirroring, it can feel awkward. Chris recommends trying the tactic with strangers. “Try it with a Starbucks [employee]. Try it with the hotel clerk. Try it with people you’re willing to give yourself a chance to learn because you don’t have that much at stake,” Chris says. “Get your three weeks of practicing, get your sixty-three to sixty-four repetitions in, and it’ll come naturally to you, and you’ll get past the awkwardness.”
4. 4. Turn “a wrestling match into a dance.” Mirroring can work well in confrontational settings when two parties disagree. “The next time someone is being confrontational with you, try a mirror,” Chris suggests. “Use a great tone of voice, genuine curiosity, and mirror them a few times and see if they change their tone.”
5. 5. Understand your first goal is to gather information. You can use details later in persuasion after you gather information. Chris says, “Part of the message mirroring sends to the other person is, ‘I heard every word you said, and I’m proving it because I just repeated it back to you.’”

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