Guide to Vaginal Sex: How to Have Vaginal Sex

Vaginal sex is a form of penetrative sex involving the insertion of a penis or sex toy into a vagina for sexual pleasure or reproductive purposes (or both). Vaginal sex, oral sex, and anal sex fall under the umbrella of penetrative sex, which is when a penis or sex toy enters another person’s vagina, mouth, or anus. You can perform vaginal sex in multiple positions, from missionary to doggy style, which can result in climax, though this does not have to be the end-goal of the sex session.

At first, vaginal sex might feel uncomfortable or clunky, especially with a new partner, but it can improve over time with trust and communication. Here are six tips that can help facilitate sexual pleasure during vaginal intercourse:

1. 1. Ask your partner for consent. If you plan to engage in any type of sexual activity, asking your sexual partner(s) for consent is paramount. Consent involves each individual granting the other permission to touch, penetrate, and kiss, allowing for respectful and willing engagement in the desired sexual activity.
2. 2. Practice safe sex. Speak with your partner before engaging in vaginal sex to discuss condom use and the safest way to proceed with the session. Unprotected sex (sex without a condom or other type of protection) can result in sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), like genital herpes, chlamydia, or the human papillomavirus (HPV). Consider asking your healthcare provider to screen you for STIs and STDs beforehand, especially if you’re engaging in sex with a new partner. If you have multiple partners, healthcare professionals recommend frequent screenings for STDs and STIs.
3. 3. Research contraceptive methods. Condoms and birth control (such as an intrauterine device or IUD) are effective methods for reducing the risk of unintended pregnancy; Condoms can greatly reduce the risk of contracting an STI when used properly. Visit a healthcare provider for more information about contraception and various contraceptive methods to determine which option works best for your body.
4. 4. Start with foreplay. Foreplay is a great entry point to vaginal sex that helps set the mood and fosters intimacy. Foreplay can include kissing, fingering, roleplay, or masturbation, all of which create different physical responses in the body, such as the lubrication of the vagina. Cunnilingus, or using the mouth to stimulate the vagina, is a common act of foreplay that some engage in before vaginal sex to encourage natural lubrication and arousal. In general, foreplay helps the body relax and feel more at ease to avoid uncomfortable or painful sex (dyspareunia).
5. 5. Open a line of communication. It can take time to understand your own body and your partner’s body. Open a line of communication with your partner before, during, and after sex to relay what you like (or don’t) and to understand your partners’ needs. Try different positions to see what feels best, and adjust as needed.
6. 6. Add extra lubrication. To reduce friction and make for smoother penetration, consider using extra lubrication during intercourse. If you’re using latex condoms, it’s necessary to use water or silicone-based lube because oil-based lubricants and massage oil can damage the latex.

Here are four common vaginal sex positions:

1. 1. Missionary: Missionary is a sexual position in which the penetrating partner lies on top of the receiving partner, controlling the speed and depth of penetration. This position maximizes intimacy and allows for easier pelvic thrusting. Missionary is a common starting point for those engaging in vaginal sex for the first time because the penetrating partner can better control the pace as they stretch the hymen, or thin tissue located near the opening of the vaginal canal, which can cause discomfort if approached hastily.
2. 2. Cowgirl: The cowgirl position is a sex position that consists of a penetrative partner lying flat on their back, with a receiving partner straddled atop facing them. In the cowgirl position, the receiving partner can control the pace, angle, and depth of penetration as they bounce, gyrate their hips, or otherwise customize the movement in this position.
3. 3. Doggy style: In this position, one person positions themselves facedown on their hands and knees, while the penetrating partner either stands or kneels behind them and enters their vagina behind. Penetration can feel deep in doggy style, so it can be helpful to ease into it with other positions, such as missionary, first.
4. 4. Reverse cowgirl: Reverse cowgirl is a sex position that involves one partner lying face-up as the other partner straddles them while facing away from them. In reverse cowgirl, the person lying down can penetrate their partner’s vagina with their penis or a strap-on or other sex toy, and the partner on top can grind on their partner or use their fingers or a toy for stimulation.

Depending upon your sexual preferences, there are many different ways to have vaginal sex, from passionate and fiery to a more loving and gentle session. Here are some steps to having vaginal sex:

1. 1. Start with foreplay. Foreplay (also referred to as heavy petting) helps prepare the body for sex. Increased arousal makes vaginal penetration easier because it generates blood flow to the vagina, labia, and clitoris, resulting in more natural lubrication and flexibility.
2. 2. Don protection. Once aroused, carefully place a condom on the erect penis or sex toy before touching or entering the vagina for safer sex. The proper insertion of a female condom requires a bit more time than rolling on a male condom. However, you can safely insert them a few hours before sex to avoid any awkwardness or rushing. Avoid using female and male condoms at the same time because it creates friction that can cause the condoms to break or tear.
3. 3. Begin penetration. Gently guide the penis (or dildo) into the vagina. With any new partner, this part may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, which is why communication is key. Once the penis or toy is inside, find a rhythm that feels good for both you and your partner. You can continue with this rhythm or switch it up. Explore what feels good.
4. 4. Work in tandem toward orgasm (optional). An orgasm (or climax) is the final release or the sudden rush of pleasure that can result from vaginal sex. Anatomically, an orgasm means that the uterus, vagina, and pelvic floor muscles are contracting in repetition. For penis owners, and sometimes vulva owners, ejaculation can occur with an orgasm. Some vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. Certain sex positions, like doggy style and cowgirl, allow for greater access to the clitoris.
5. 5. Use the bathroom and dispose of protection. The best time to remove a condom is when the penis is erect to prevent any semen leaks. For vulva owners, it’s important to urinate after sex to flush out any unwanted bacteria and prevent urinary tract infections (UTI), which can result from germs entering the vaginal canal during sexual intercourse.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).