Emily Morse on How to Create a Sex Menu

Emily Morse is the host of the award-winning Sex With Emily podcast. Since 2005, Sex With Emily’s honest, candid conversations about pleasure and intimacy—the first episode included discussions about polyamory and bikini waxes, and an interview with a man named Captain Erotica—has gained the attention of millions of listeners.

As her audience grew, Emily expanded into other media. In 2011, she coauthored the book Hot Sex: 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. She starred in the Bravo reality series Miss Advised the following year. Since then, she’s written a column for Glamour, appeared on The Today Show, and released a smartphone app. Fifteen years into its historic run, Sex With Emily is the longest-running sex podcast in history.

A sex menu is an inventory of sexual activities that interest you. Sex educator Emily Morse refers to a sex menu as a “sexual roadmap,” because it can empower individuals and partners to discover new sexual experiences. Sex therapists often recommend that couples complete a checklist of all the sexual activities they’re open to or curious about, and then swap lists with their sex partner. For each individual sexual encounter, partners can choose a few to try.

Sex menus aren’t necessarily divided like restaurant menus, with sections for appetizers and entrées. However, they can help you take stock of which sex acts you might enjoy during foreplay (such as cuddling, sensual massages, sexting) and which you consider the main course (fingering, quickies, sex toys). Sexual fantasies, including kinks and fetishes, can also be included on a sex menu.

Creating a sex menu empowers you to take control of your sex life. By answering “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” to a variety of sex acts, a sex menu allows you to discover your own sexual desires and share them with a partner. It can be a helpful conversation starter, especially for couples who find it challenging to express their sexual desires to one another.

Sex educator Emily Morse has some advice to consider when putting together your sexual menu for the first time:

• Start the conversation. According to Emily, many people find it “very hard to step out of a comfort zone with a partner” because they lack the necessary communication skills, often through no fault of their own. Few people have had the sex education required for developing good sexual communication. That’s where a sex menu can help. “A yes/no/maybe list,” Emily says, “gives us a lot of information around what is on the sexual menu.”
• Find common ground. “It’s like a little quiz,” Emily says. A sex menu allows you to select menu items that you like, dislike, and are open to discussing more with your partner. She says, “You get to see, ‘Where are we aligned?’” For example, maybe you both check “yes” on oral sex, “no” on anal sex, and “maybe” on vibrators.
• Discover your desires. Most people’s sex education doesn’t cover the full scope of human sexuality. A sex menu can increase your awareness of the possibilities of sexual pleasure. “Sex acts and sexual experiences,” Emily says, “that maybe you’ve never even thought of, or you’ve never heard of—they’re all on this list.”

Use this as a template to create your own sex menu.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).