Self-Regulation Definition: How to Develop Self-Regulation Skills

Self-regulation is a form of self-control to keep your emotions and behavior in check. The two primary forms of self-regulation are behavioral and emotional self-regulation.

Behavioral self-regulation requires self-discipline to act appropriately when emotions are high, while emotional self-regulation strategies involve counterbalancing negative feelings through proactive, positive activity. For example, when your heart rate rises and you experience strong emotions, you might walk to clear your head or get fresh air.

Learning to self-regulate is a critical part of childhood development, but adults can develop a self-regulation practice to promote their mental health. Developing self-regulation can improve problem-solving capabilities and emotional intelligence, making it a valuable tool for everyday life.

Self-regulation is a crucial part of child development. Below are some ways parents and caregivers can model self-regulation:

• Infants: Parents and caregivers can teach emotional development by decreasing stimuli when the infant gets upset. The parent might dim the lights and give the child a comfort tool, such as a pacifier or stuffed animal, to provide care and encourage self-soothing.
• Toddlers: Children often throw temper tantrums in early childhood when they become upset. Parents can help young children refine their self-regulation by reframing their expectations. Child self-regulation develops when parents provide defined structures and predictable routines.
• School-aged children: Self-regulation gives older children clear expectations for causes and effects. For example, parents might give toys to reward good behavior; if a child wants their friend’s toy, they must learn to ask to play with it instead of stealing or hogging it.
• Teenagers: In adolescence, self-regulation becomes more complex. Teenagers must practice social skills to behave properly around others. Having strong role models also helps in shaping self-esteem and forming healthy habits.

Self-regulation is a critical quality. Some benefits of practicing it include:

• A positive mindset: Everyone goes through ups and downs, and self-regulation skills help you to turn negative thoughts into happier ones. Knowing how to combat anxiety or depression through preferred activities (such as exercise, phone calls to loved ones, cooking, and other activities) empowers you to deal with your negative emotions positively.
• Good anger management: Emotion regulation skills help you control impulses. Taking deep breaths or going on a walk enables you to better anticipate or respond to a difficult situation.
• Improved goal definition: Self-regulation is a form of mindfulness that makes it easier to set long-term goals and also to understand how your mental well-being is necessary for achieving them.
• Strong social skills: Self-regulation promotes self-awareness, which can help you more fluidly navigate social settings and respond to the energy around you.

There are some challenges to self-regulation. Tiredness, sickness, and other health issues can get in the way of practicing self-regulation. If your job is too demanding or you feel constant stress, it might be more challenging to reflect on and regulate your emotions. Self-regulation is similar to self-care, and prioritizing your mental wellness is essential in maintaining a self-regulation practice.

Surrounding yourself with negative people or those with bad habits can make you stray from self-regulation and lean into more volatile emotions and behavior. Healthy relationships, on the other hand, can support self-regulation. Being around those who bring out the best in you and care about your well-being invites you to be the best version of yourself.

There are a few ways to develop and practice healthy self-regulation of your emotions as an adult. Try the tips below:

• Exercise regularly. Take walks, practice yoga, or do other physical activities to clear your mind and reduce stress.
• Form healthy relationships. Be good to yourself by surrounding yourself with positive people who have your best interests at heart.
• Keep a journal. Writing out feelings can prove a healthy way to express them. If you have emotions you cannot articulate or express clearly, try keeping a journal to document your feelings.
• Practice being vulnerable. Being open and truthful with yourself, and being vulnerable in front of others, can make you more accepting of yourself.
• See a therapist. Talking to a mental health professional can help you develop tools for practicing self-regulation and learn ways to utilize those skills.
• Talk out your problems. Practice conflict resolution. If you have an issue with how a coworker, relative, partner, or friend handled a situation, discuss it with them shortly afterward to resolve it instead of allowing it to breed resentment.

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