Essential S&M Guide: 6 Common S&M Techniques

Sadism and masochism (often referred to as sadomasochism or S&M or S/M) is a sexual kink or fetish in which individuals derive sexual gratification from consensually inflicting or receiving pain. The pain inflicted can be physical, like hair-pulling, whipping, clamps, or temperature play, or emotional, through humiliation or total submission. Those who enjoy inflicting this pain are called sadists or tops, while those who enjoy feeling this pain are called masochists or bottoms.

S&M is one of three similar but distinct groups under the BDSM umbrella, a community that uses power imbalance for sexual pleasure. The other groups include bondage and discipline (B/D) and domination and submission (D/s). Learn about submissive sex in our complete guide.

There are a wide variety of common S&M techniques for implementing pain and pleasure:

1. 1. Impact play: Erotic spanking or flogging is a type of impact play where the top uses their hands, a whip, paddle, or crop to spank parts of the bottom’s body for consensual and mutual sexual pleasure. An erotic spanking can increase blood flow in the receiver’s groin area and releases pleasurable chemicals in the brain, including endorphins and dopamine, to enhance sexual pleasure.
2. 2. Sensory deprivation: S&M borrows many techniques from bondage to place control in the top partner’s hands, with creative ways to introduce mild physical or emotional pain. Bondage restraints help restrict the subject’s senses or freedom of movement to heighten the sensations they experience, and therefore the sexual stimulation. Common sensory deprivation tools in S&M include blindfolds, rope, leather straps, bondage tape, ties, handcuffs, spreader bars, ball gags, blindfolds, suspension, and chains.
3. 3. Clamps: Pinching sensations are commonly employed in S&M activities, most often through clamps that you can apply to the nipples or other sensitive areas. Learn more about nipple play.
4. 4. Temperature play: Hot and cold sensations draw the body’s attention to particular areas and can feel intensely pleasurable. S&M practitioners often employ temperature play in the form of hot wax, ice cubes, or sexual stimulant gels, rubbing them along sensitive areas and erogenous zones.
5. 5. Ball torture: Cock-and-ball torture (sometimes shortened to CBT) is a subset of S&M that focuses on painful and pleasurable sensations of penises and testicles. Standard techniques include impact play, clamps, and temperature play.
6. 6. Emotional pain: Some people who practice S&M enjoy inflicting emotional distress, often in the form of humiliation or submission. A top may treat a bottom as if they are in trouble and in need of punishment or try to embarrass them.

If you want to try S&M with your partner, here are some tips to keep you both safe, happy, and having fun:

1. 1. Discuss beforehand. To engage in healthy S&M play, you and your partner must both agree on what you’re comfortable with before you begin. Have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the parts of S&M you each want to explore so that you can both feel comfortable and confident experimenting. If you’re too nervous about bringing S&M up directly and curious about whether your partner’s level of interest, consider watching some light S&M erotica together to broach the subject.
2. 2. Agree on a safe word. S&M is a sexual practice founded on trust and mutual consent between one or more partners. However, it may be hard to distinguish between playful banter between top and bottom and an honest request to slow down or stop the experience altogether in the middle of a particular session. That’s why every BDSM practitioner must establish at least one safe word with their partner—something either person can say to signal that a boundary has been crossed and it’s time to take a break. Feel free to come up with two different safe words—one that signals to stop and another that signals you’re coming close to a boundary and should move the session in another direction.
3. 3. Know your tools. Vibrators, blindfolds, spanking paddles, riding crops—there are a wide number of sex toys that can enhance your S&M experience. Regardless of what sorts of sex toys you prefer, if you’re the top, ensure you know how each toy works and what sensations they provide; if you don’t, you run the risk of accidentally starting too strong with a toy and hurting your partner. Know your tools and start slow, especially the first time. You can always ramp up the action later, according to your partner’s desires.
4. 4. Start small. When trying S&M for the first time, you don’t need to rush out and buy a complicated rope system or a fancy whip. Instead, try a light S&M activity for starters, like a spanking session (whether giving or receiving), to see if you like it. If you want to purchase some equipment, a blindfold and some wrist restraints are an easy and inexpensive way to ease into S&M before escalating to more advanced toys and props.
5. 5. Have safety supplies on hand. Since S&M sessions can be a little more intense than other sexual encounters, be prepared for potential mishaps (or even injuries). Useful items to have on hand (depending on what you’re using during the session) include bandages, soothing rags, scissors or shears that can cut through bondage ties, and keys for any locks you may use. If you’re the top, it’s also important to be aware of the bottom partner’s medical conditions—that way, you can be prepared with any medications or other considerations to keep the session safe.
6. 6. Practice aftercare. Some sexual activities—and S&M sessions in particular—can be physically or emotionally intense for both participants, so partners must engage in healthy aftercare following the sexual experience. Discussion, cuddling, and cleaning up together are great ways to help everyone wind down and process the session, fostering a sense of calm, physical wellness, and emotional well-being.
7. 7. Relax and have fun. S&M play is about having a fun sexual experience with your partner. If you try it out and feel overwhelmed, stressed, or self-conscious to the point that you’re not having fun, take a break. You can try again later or decide that S&M isn’t for you.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).