RuPaul’s 6 Tips for Handling Criticism

We are all driven, to various extents, by the ego. For some, the ego is a devil on their shoulder that needs to put others down in order to feel superior. The only time bullies feel visible is when they’re creating pain or getting a rise out of someone else.

The important thing to remember is—the joke’s on them. As a bully tries to satisfy their ego and feel superior, the opposite happens: They dig themselves deeper and deeper into self-loathing and insecurity. Meanwhile, you can spend your energy building up a sanctuary of self-esteem in your own life.

1. 1. Understand what you can control. Many negative people live in a permanent state of fear and shame. To these folks, your own freedom and creativity might represent a threat. Your own self-actualization reminds them of how stuck they are, and it makes them angry. They may lash out. But: It’s vital to understand what does and does not belong to you. Someone else’s resentment and self-loathing is not yours to solve; it is their struggle to overcome. Be the bigger person, and remain calm.
2. 2. Find a worthy distraction. The next time you find yourself reading the negative comments, thinking endlessly about negative feedback or about someone who’s mistreated you, schedule a time to exercise, meditate, or do something else that creates joy for you. Repeat this any time one of these negative thoughts crosses your mind until you create the habit of choosing joy, not negativity.
3. 3. Don’t get caught up on the ‘why.’ When grappling with your bullies, be careful not to dig too deep into their psychology: Sometimes the worst parts of human nature have less than logical origins. “You can look at the darkness, but don’t stare; it’ll make you crazy and cross-eyed,” RuPaul says. Focus instead on creating environments where you can find joy, and cultivate positive feedback.
4. 4. Extend compassion. The simplest act of human kindness? Acknowledging one another. After all, almost all of us know what it feels like to be stuck and frustrated, and all of us have been on the receiving end of someone else’s bad day. The communication skills it takes to reframe difficult situations come directly from compassion; by practicing letting go of the hurt and pain someone has caused you, you can help others to do the same, be they a co-worker or a friend.
5. 5. Examine your mask. We often unconsciously conform to expectations of what we should be rather than embark on our own journey of self-discovery. But when you realize that you’re living in a kind of simulation—and that everything and everyone around you is faking it till they make it—you can start to have some fun and play around with the way you present yourself to the world. Questioning everything from a point of view of constructive criticism can help you understand the origins of your mask. “Where did this come from?” is always a good question to ask. Also, “Why am I afraid of being perceived a certain way?” Handling criticism is a matter of self-confidence and perspective: Use criticism to refocus your truth, not echo the truths of others.
6. 6. Practice embracing your fierceness. The mask you live in limits your creativity. It constricts you and stunts your growth. Often, we settle for a mask that makes the people around us comfortable, yet doesn’t reflect the truth of who we are. And while many of us diminish ourselves out of fear—of the judgments of others, of what would happen if we allowed ourselves to embrace our dreams—life is not meant to be an endless slog. Your life’s work is to shine. Successful people discard what doesn’t propel them forward while keeping what they love.

Learn self-expression and authenticity from RuPaul with the MasterClass Annual Membership. Find your inner truth to overcome hardship, gain confidence, and live your best life.