Respect in a Relationship: How to Build Respect

In a relationship, respect describes each person's esteem and consideration for the other. In relationships of mutual respect, both people demonstrate similar respect. This manifests as both explicit respect, where you articulate your respect in front of other people, and implicit respect, where your actions suggest underlying trust and admiration.

You may naturally feel respect for someone you admire and for whom you have strong feelings; however, it may be harder to show that respect in meaningful ways. With practice, you can develop simple ways to show respect to family, friends, colleagues, and intimate partners while cutting out the signs of disrespect that often mar toxic or abusive relationships.

Respect forms a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Whether you’re dealing with a coworker, a longtime friend, or a romantic partner, respect and trust go hand in hand. Mutual respect portends strong relationships by creating four significant relationship assets, which include:

1. 1. Healthy boundaries: Even in a romantic relationship marked by true love, people need boundaries and personal space. A respectful significant other will accept your need to have space and time alone or with other friends. Respect that your partner has these needs as well.
2. 2. Honesty: If you have true respect for another person, you will let them in on your honest thoughts and feelings. Honesty not only fosters respect and prolongs relationships, but it also promotes mental health and a sense of well-being.
   
3. 3. Stability: Every relationship—business, artistic, friendly, romantic—goes through tough times. People grow and change, and circumstances aren’t always stable. A solid foundation of respect makes a relationship more likely to weather the ups and downs. This helps mutually respectful partners stay together for the long term.
4. 4. Trust: In any respectful relationship, the parties involved enjoy a sense of security and trust. Your partner needs to know that you accept them for who they are and that you won’t quickly or harshly judge them. As you build trust, you create an environment safe for mutual respect.

Building true respect takes effort. In a new relationship, the lack of mutual understanding can make deep respect difficult to cultivate. Long-term relationships pose their own challenges, as it’s easy to take the other person for granted. Below are some ways to build and maintain respect with important people in your life:

1. 1. Be attentive: Build a healthy relationship by paying attention to your partner. This will give you a sense of their wants and needs, what makes them happy, and what makes them feel safe. All of these help you exhibit respect.
2. 2. Carefully choose your words: Even a fleeting unkind remark can damage a relationship and set back mutual respect. Sometimes you can more easily observe the hurtful power of words in other people‘s relationships. The disrespectful behavior you may observe, like belittling and name-calling, can be a window into your own behavior. If you suspect you also resort to toxic language, take steps to halt that behavior and communicate respectfully.
3. 3. Offer validation: Few things promote respect, like having your feelings validated, especially when feeling overwhelmed or confused. Show respect by letting your partner know you hear them and appreciate their experiences.
4. 4. Practice healthy conflict resolution: Disagreements happen, even in the most successful relationships. When the inevitable conflict arises, prioritize hearing the other out, exchanging different viewpoints, and agreeing to disagree if necessary. The alternatives—yelling, resentment, or the silent treatment—sometimes may feel justified, but they won’t help you build lasting respect. By committing to healthy conflict resolution, you emphasize how your respect your partner.
5. 5. Respect yourself: Knowing your own needs and having healthy self-respect go hand in hand with respecting your partner. In a toxic relationship, a person exhibiting a lack of respect often suffers from low self-esteem and projects their insecurities onto their partner. They belittle them and deny them respect to feel relatively powerful. People who cultivate self-respect have an easier time showing respect to others.
6. 6. Show patience: Patience works in tandem with respect in a loving relationship. Accept that you and your partner are both human beings who can make mistakes and rely on the other person’s patience. Make your partner feel respected by offering reasonable levels of patience as they work through issues.

Developing relational intelligence and improving communication are essential to boost the quality of your personal and professional relationships. Discover Esther Perel’s approach to resolving conflict, having difficult conversations, and building trust when you sign up for a MasterClass Annual Membership.