Relationship Anarchy Explained: What Is Relationship Anarchy?

Relationship anarchy, known as RA for short, is a romantic relationship structure with no rules except for those its parties determine. Relationship anarchists create terms for relationships that might be outside societal norms. Queer feminist Andie Nordgren coined “relationship anarchy” in a 2006 pamphlet that was later widely circulated online on a Swedish website under the title “The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy.”

Traditional relationships abide by several social norms, especially within heterosexism. For example, there are social expectations that heterosexual spouses are monogamous and live together. Relationship anarchists operate within a different type of relationship, in which the only standards are consensual, agreed-upon ones for each romantic partner.

Relationship anarchy and polyamory are not the same thing. Relationship anarchy is a kind of partnership—both a sexual and intimate relationship—in which partners create their rule book. That might involve seeing each other a certain number of times per week, prioritizing a loving relationship with a primary partner but otherwise behaving as each person wishes, or practicing ethical nonmonogamy (ENM), where each partner is welcome to sleep with others but must be transparent about those experiences.

Polyamory is a form of an open relationship in which each partner can have multiple sexual partners or two or more members within the polyamorous relationship share orgies with other people. Polyamory is a form of nonmonogamy; typically, each person has a primary partner. This may be a spouse, domestic partner, or a person they treat with more seriousness and emotional intimacy than other partners. Polyamory can factor into a RA’s relationship structure.

Anyone can try out this more radical relationship type if both partners consent. Every relationship comes with its core values, and what separates relationship anarchists from people in monogamous relationships is those in RAs will engage in sexual activity that sits outside social norms. If you are curious about meeting other sexual partners, want more freedom in your relationship, and still want a primary partner with whom you can share emotional intimacy, relationship anarchy might be a good fit for your love life. Most importantly, you must abide by whatever rules you and your partner set.

Queer people have historically sat outside traditional relationship conventions, so many members of the LGBTQ+ community practice RA. However, heterosexual people can also participate, defining the terms of their relationship while still having their primary partner be their best friend or main romantic sweetheart.

If you plan on practicing relationship anarchy, consider the below tips to ensure a successful partnership.

1. 1. Create rules for all parties. All partners must consent to the stated terms when entering relationship anarchy. This may involve some compromise, which partners should distribute evenly. Communication skills and trust are vital for the wellness of the relationship.
2. 2. Communicate difficulties. Stepping into a new kind of relationship can be difficult. You should feel comfortable discussing challenges with your partner as they arise, even if they go against the rules you had set as the guide. The terms for relationship anarchy can be a breathing document.
3. 3. Voice affirmations. Sharing what brings you joy in the relationship and what works for you as you navigate a new structure is just as important. This may give your partner greater confidence and trust.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).