Reciprocity in Relationships: 3 Types of Reciprocity

Reciprocity in relationships is the mutual exchange of energy and support between partners. There are different types of reciprocity: Generalized reciprocity is giving without expecting a specific outcome, balanced reciprocity is an equal give-and-take, and negative reciprocity is unequal. In a healthy relationship, each individual takes turns giving and receiving energy and support, so everyone feels well-loved.

Healthy emotional reciprocity is a critical factor in any committed relationship—romantic or otherwise—because it is a key indicator of love and support. In a relationship with healthy reciprocity, each individual feels they give and receive energy; this feeling of mutual exchange strengthens the relationship overall. On the flip side, a lack of reciprocity can create an unhealthy relationship where one partner experiences burnout or feels used or unloved.

There are three types of reciprocity in relationships.

1. 1. Balanced reciprocity: A situational form of reciprocity, balanced reciprocity is the act of giving something and expecting a specific (and roughly equivalent) outcome in return as repayment. For example, you may give a birthday gift expecting one in return on your birthday.
2. 2. Generalized reciprocity: Like altruism, generalized reciprocity is giving freely without expecting anything specific in return aside from general goodwill. Generalized reciprocity harbors a sense of mutual respect and connectedness. These reciprocal relationships are common with people you love and trust deeply, including friends, family members, romantic partners, and other loved ones.
3. 3. Negative reciprocity: The least equitable form of reciprocity, negative reciprocity is the act of giving minimally only to receive something (usually of greater value) in return. It does not have a place in healthy romantic relationships.

Try these tips to foster a healthy reciprocal relationship:

1. 1. Encourage open communication. Healthy communication is the bedrock of any relationship, whether romantic or platonic. It’s also a great way to ensure your connection remains reciprocal. Practice active listening and confirm each person in the relationship feels happy with the give-and-take of energy and support.
2. 2. Remember to take. Sometimes you need support, too. Avoid a nonreciprocal situation by taking in addition to giving. Healthy interdependence is important in a relationship.
3. 3. Tailor reciprocity to each individual. Relationship therapists talk about reciprocity in terms of different love languages. If you like to receive gifts and your partner or partners like to receive words of affirmation, make sure you tailor your support to their love language rather than your own.
4. 4. Think long-term rather than judging a single moment. In any situation, there will be someone who’s giving energy and someone who’s receiving energy. Avoid focusing on these specific moments to judge if there’s an imbalance in your intimate relationship. Instead, zoom out and think about the bigger picture. Consider trends over longer periods and decide if each person in the relationship supports their partner or partners’ well-being.

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