Personalization Cognitive Distortion: Overcoming Self-Blame

Personalization is a cognitive distortion in which a person places blame on themselves in a way that is disproportionate to the effects of an outcome. For example, if a family moves to a new town and a child experiences difficulty making friends, a parent might blame themself for the situation. Personalization lacks emotional reasoning and can increase negative thoughts, lower self-esteem, and cause social anxiety disorder.

Cognitive distortions are hyperbolic or illogical thought patterns that reframe events, interactions, and contexts. Through this negative thinking, people perceive themselves differently and in poor ways. Low confidence or patterns of abuse can contribute to this mental bias.

People experiencing cognitive distortions might perceive a positive experience as an adverse event. Even when a person is feeling good, such negative thinking can make them feel undeserving of love, friendship, or affection. In many cases, such exaggerating and mislabeling can lead to depression and the perpetuation of psychopathological states.

Personalization can have adverse effects on one’s well-being and mental health. This mental framing can lead to poor self-talk and perpetuate negative patterns of thinking. Engaging in distorted thoughts can exacerbate one’s self-doubt. Socially, personalization can be isolating. People might not feel comfortable around those who constantly place blame on themselves.

If you experience emotional distress because of personalization, consult a mental health professional to engage in psychotherapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one way to overcome personalization and other types of cognitive distortions. CBT is a psychosocial intervention in which mental health professionals work with patients and give them techniques to combat self-blame.

There are many types of cognitive distortion. Some of the most common cognitive distortions include:

• All-or-nothing thinking: This is a form of black-and-white thinking in which people see events, feelings, and reactions without understanding the nuances of people’s actions and emotions.
• Always being right: This cognitive distortion describes people who perceive opinions as facts. Perfectionists and people with imposter syndrome sometimes have difficulty accepting a difference in opinion.
• Catastrophizing: The cognitive distortion of catastrophizing gives disproportionate weight to the worst possible outcome, no matter how slim the odds are of such an outcome. Also known as the binocular trick, it involves the magnification or minimization of the importance of events.
• Disqualifying the positive: Minimizing positive aspects of a situation is a cognitive distortion known as disqualifying the positive. This behavior is a form of all-or-nothing thinking.
• Overgeneralizing: This form of thinking means creating false patterns out of standalone events, thus making faulty generalizations from insufficient evidence. Labeling is an extreme form of overgeneralizing in which people apply emotional or inaccurate labels to behaviors.
• Mental filtering: Focusing on the negative parts of an event while disqualifying the positive aspects equals mental filtering. This cognitive distortion can affect the perception of an interaction, a relationship, or a personality, turning it into a negative event.
• Mind reading: Inferring others’ negative thoughts, even when they are unspoken or unlikely to exist at all, is like trying to read minds. This can also lead to fortune telling, in which someone predicts (usually negative) outcomes that are unlikely to occur.
• Personalization: Taking the blame for negative events outside your control is personalization. This negative type of thinking can cause emotional distress.

Developing relational intelligence and improving communication are essential to boost the quality of your personal and professional relationships. Discover Esther Perel’s approach to resolving conflict, having difficult conversations, and building trust when you sign up for a MasterClass Annual Membership.