People Pleaser: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

A people pleaser is a caring person who prioritizes the approval of others over their own values and needs. People pleasers feed off of the validation from others, often because of low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love. Fear of rejection and disappointing others can drive people-pleasing tendencies, which over time can make someone lose their sense of self and ability to tend to personal needs. People-pleasing often happens amongst family members, friends, and work colleagues.

People-pleasing takes many forms and can negatively impact your life in various ways. Consider the following signs of people-pleasing:

1. 1. Boundaries: People pleasers lack healthy boundaries and let others’ needs come first. This may manifest as text messages from coworkers to complete projects after working hours or continually accepting emotional abuse from others.
2. 2. Burnout: A common side effect of people-pleasing is burnout. Always caring for the needs of others can adversely affect a people pleaser’s self-care routine.
3. 3. Perfectionism: People pleasers are often perfectionists and worry about doing things perfectly not to upset those who hold power over them.
4. 4. Time: People pleasers often have less free time. If you are a people pleaser, you may not have firm control of your life and schedule. Always pleasing others can impact the available time for yourself and loved ones.

You can stop being a people pleaser while still being a nice person and a helping caregiver. Consider the following tips:

1. 1. Chat with a therapist. Therapy can help you understand the root of your people-pleasing tendencies and offer a way to overcome these habits. Therapists are there to address your needs, so be honest and forward with what has been causing you stress, so they can adequately collaborate with you to improve your self-worth.
2. 2. Grow comfortable with saying “no.” People pleasers often say yes to any requests, but that can come at a cost. Try saying “no” to some asks—you can simply say you do not have time or the energy to accomplish the request.
3. 3. Have open discussions. If a coworker, friend, or family member is demanding too much of your time and resources, have an honest and open conversation with them. Explain how their needs are negatively impacting your own.
4. 4. Set clear boundaries. Setting boundaries and scheduling time for yourself is an essential part of self-care. Having time where you get to relax and recharge invites you to be your best possible self.

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