How to Use Mirroring as a Negotiation Tactic

Good negotiating tactics leverage your bargaining power and always have the bottom line in mind. If you watch a lot of television, though, you may believe that things like contract negotiation involve playing hardball—from constant haggling to never making concessions. In the real world, the most effective negotiation style is one that establishes trust and common interest. Any successful negotiation will involve give-and-take, where each party accepts certain trade-offs in the process of crafting an enduring negotiated agreement.

Mirroring is the repetition of key words used by your negotiating partner. It is an essential negotiating tool to use at the bargaining table. The technique can be especially effective when you’re repeating words that your counterpart has just spoken. Mirroring lets the other side know you’re paying attention to what they’re saying and treating their views with the close consideration they believe they deserve.

Whether you’re a small business owner conducting job interviews, a manager addressing conflict management with various team members, or simply an individual seeking to improve your relationship with family members, the best thing you can do is try to consider the other party’s point of view. This involves active listening, asking open-ended questions, and using a technique known as mirroring.

Mirroring is a negotiating tool. It’s far from the only tool used by successful negotiators, but it’s one of the most effective because research shows that mirroring techniques build rapport between two parties. Developing a reliable set of negotiation techniques like mirroring can yield great dividends in both work and personal relations. The types of professionals who might need to use mirroring include:

• Government officials: Leaders might use mirroring in the process of creating laws, rules, and treaties.
• Small business owners: Business owners inevitably need to negotiate in the process of buying and selling merchandise.
• Shoppers: Individual shoppers can use mirroring when assessing the market value of a good or service.
• Employees: Mirroring can help with salary negotiation, whether an employee is setting a starting salary or angling for a higher salary.
• Realtors and buyers: Mirroring exists on both sides of real estate transactions.
• Couples: Mirroring can help couples navigate romantic relationships.
• Human resource officers: These professionals practice problem-solving in interpersonal dynamics, including conflict resolution.
• Hostage negotiators: Mirroring comes into play in all sorts of crisis negotiations that require delicate extrications.
• Pretty much anybody: Mirroring can be helpful in any scenario where multiple negotiating parties need to find common ground.

To use mirroring in a negotiation, listen for keywords as your counterpart speaks. These can be words that imply emotion or that reveal your counterpart’s underlying goals. After your negotiating partner has finished speaking, echo their phrasing back to them, perhaps as a question or a paraphrase of what they’ve just said.

An example of a mirroring technique might look something like this:

Your negotiating partner: “I’ve had a really difficult year, and it seems like you’re discounting all of the financial and personal stress I’ve been under.”

You: “Financial and personal stress?”

Your negotiating partner: “Yeah. We lost pretty big on an investment, and it’s created strain among the partners.”

You: “Losing big on an investment is tough. A lot of us have been there.”

In most situations, you should identify one to three key terms for mirroring (but never use more than five). Too much mirroring crosses over into mimicry, which will be received as insincere or even condescending. Formal negotiation training teaches people to show restraint with this technique because the last thing you want in personal or business negotiations is the subtext that you don’t mean what you say.

In addition to verbal mirroring, mirroring of body language can also serve as a successful negotiation strategy. Some studies have observed that nonverbal communication accounts for over half of all in-person business interactions—from body posture to facial tics. Here are some tips for mirroring body language:

• Make frequent eye contact. This is the fastest way to physically establish a connection.
• Observe the other person’s body language and facial expressions. In order to mirror your counterpart, you must understand how they move.
• Adopt a similar posture. This subtle gesture can quickly yet subconsciously show camaraderie.
• Note nonverbal cues. These cues can tell you when someone is at ease (their posture relaxes and they talk slower), when they care about you (they lean forward), and when they’re closed off (they fold their arms in front of their chest). You may or may not want to mirror these gestures, depending on your objective.
• Return your own nonverbal cues. For instance, if the other person leans in during the negotiation, you can lean in too—just not to the point of aggression.

Learn more about negotiation strategies and communication skills from Career FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Perfect tactical empathy, develop intentional body language, and get better results every day with the MasterClass Annual Membership.