Long-Distance Relationships: How to Make Long Distance Work

A long-distance relationship (or LDR) is a romantic relationship in which both people live far away from each other. This contrasts with geographically close relationships in which partners can interact with each other face-to-face on a regular basis. Long-distance dating relationships come with their own set of challenges, but it’s very possible to make one work with the right amount of effort from both partners.

Keep these tips in mind as you and your partner try to remain close while living in different places and even different time zones:

• Aim for moderate contact. Too little communication can leave your partner feeling neglected, but too much can leave them feeling suffocated. For example, an endless barrage of text messages might come across as obsessive or overbearing. Try starting the day with a “good morning” and check in throughout the day. End the evening with a longer conversation and a heartfelt “good night” over the phone.
• Communicate creatively. In the age of video chatting, it’s possible to check in with your partner and feel like they’re right there beside you. When you can’t talk face-to-face, take advantage of lulls in your day to reach out. For instance, if you’re a commuter, you could call on your way home from work. Create a schedule that works for both of you.
• Consider relocation. At a certain point in the relationship, both of you could benefit from talking about moving closer to each other. Especially in an era in which remote work has become more common, uprooting your life to be with a romantic partner is easier than ever. Still, choosing to do so can be challenging financially, emotionally, and socially. Ensure you and your partner have a strong foundation before making any moves.
• Engage in intimacy. Even though you’re far away from each other, you can still flirt over the phone. Maintain your romantic, sexual, and emotional connection by talking intimately, but only engage in what makes both of you comfortable. It might take some getting used to, but engaging in intimacy over the phone or video chatting software can help you keep your relational intimacy vital and exciting.
• Maintain an independent life. Keep the spark alive by allowing your partner to live their daily life. For that matter, afford yourself the same opportunity. Let your loved one spend time with friends and family, as well as recharge on their own. Practice self-care and engage in positive social interactions on your own, too. Even though you’re apart geographically, you can still both benefit from time to yourself.
• Send thoughtful gifts to each other. Little things go a long way, especially when it comes to relationship satisfaction over a long distance. Take advantage of the postal service to send thoughtful gifts to your partner. Couples who live close to each other—or with each other—often don’t have the opportunity to do so.
• Share experiences from afar. Plan date nights in which you both watch the same movie or play a game together. Decide on an audiobook or podcast to listen to in your free time so you can both discuss it. Shared interests like these can help you connect on a deeper level.
• Steer clear of inappropriate situations. Treat your LDR with the same respect you would any other romantic relationship. Avoid putting yourself in potentially compromising situations. If you stray from your commitment, you will cause your partner to lose trust and experience excruciating emotional pain. Remain faithful and honor your commitment to each other.
• Visit each other when possible. Long-distance couples still benefit from seeing each other in person as regularly as possible. These trips to spend time together can feel like everyday occurrences or full-blown vacations depending on your mutual intentions. For example, suppose you live in New York and your partner lives in Los Angeles. You could decide to visit all the tourist attractions together or just stay home together depending on what both of you feel like at the moment.
• Vocalize your needs. If you’re going through a hard time, let your long-distance partner know. Comforting and in-depth conversations—whether in person or over a video call—can have a major positive impact on both your own well-being and your partner’s. Be cognizant of what your loved one needs as well. Be there for each other, even when you can’t be in the same city or state.

Developing relational intelligence and improving communication are essential to boost the quality of your personal and professional relationships. Discover Esther Perel’s approach to resolving conflict, having difficult conversations, and building trust when you sign up for a MasterClass Annual Membership.