Lack of Empathy: 8 Signs of Lack of Empathy

A person who lacks empathy has a difficult time taking on another person’s feelings as their own. They may struggle with the cognitive and emotional skills to understand, relate, and mutually share in another person’s experience to better understand their emotional pain.

There are three common types of empathy that a person may lack:

1. 1. Cognitive empathy: Also known as perspective-taking, cognitive empathy relies on the listener’s capacity to relate to another person’s perspective without imposing their own experience, point of view, or biases.
2. 2. Compassionate empathy: A hybrid of cognitive and emotional empathy, compassionate empathy requires analyzing the underlying cause and effect of a situation. After someone explains their circumstances, you can demonstrate that you understand their situation on some level in an unbiased manner.
3. 3. Emotional empathy: An emotionally empathetic person can mirror another’s struggles. This means they can care for another’s well-being through shared experience of emotional situations.

While there are many different signs that a person lacks empathy, here are a few common traits that unempathetic people may display:

1. 1. An inability to understand others: A person who lacks empathy may struggle to understand other people’s feelings, problems, or life situations.
2. 2. Difficulty regulating emotions: Someone who lacks empathy often has a hard time understanding or regulating their own emotions.
3. 3. Excessive criticism: Those who lack empathy may criticize others harshly and often. They rarely use validation to make others feel seen or heard.
4. 4. Impatience: A person who lacks empathy may be extremely impatient with other people, their difficulties, and their emotions.
5. 5. Minimal forgiveness: Those who lack empathy are often unwilling to forgive others for their mistakes or weaknesses or remember that other people are also human beings.
6. 6. Poor listening skills: Many people who lack empathy have a hard time listening to other people, whether they’re sharing triumphs or struggles.
7. 7. Self-centeredness: A person who lacks empathy is often self-centered or self-focused and has a difficult time considering other people.
8. 8. Victim-blaming: Those who lack empathy are often quick to blame the victim in a situation, rather than considering the perpetrator or system.

There are many causes of an empathy deficit. They include but are not limited to:

• A personality disorder: Some people who struggle to empathize with others may have a personality disorder that inhibits their ability to connect or communicate. Common personality disorders include narcissistic personality disorder (NPD or narcissism), antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder (or BPD).
• Autism spectrum disorder: Individuals on the autism spectrum may experience different levels of empathy, interpersonal skills, and emotional intelligence.
• Lack of awareness: Many people who lack empathy simply don’t realize it and therefore haven’t spent time and energy working to develop empathy. Self-awareness is a key step toward empathy.
• Lack of role models: Many people who are unempathetic have not had strong role models for empathetic behavior in their lives—or have had many models of unempathetic behavior instead.

Empathy is a foundational component to feeling compassion for others, building trust with others, and helping loved ones through hard times. Without a sense of empathy, a person will struggle to care about anyone other than themselves, and may find it difficult to care about helping or listening to others. This lack of empathy can severely affect their ability to maintain healthy relationships with others or effect positive change in their community.

If you find that someone you know—whether a family member or a coworker—is struggling to be an empathetic person, here are a few techniques you can use to help encourage their sense of empathy:

• Address it directly. Many people who lack empathy are simply unaware of themselves or the struggles around them. While it may be hard, consider sitting down one-on-one with the people in your life who lack empathy and talk candidly about the situation. Be patient, kind, and empathetic in your conversation—even if they’re upset, the honest realization that they struggle to experience empathy is the first step toward actively developing the skill.
• Model empathic behavior. One of the strongest ways for a person to develop empathy and emotional connections with others is to surround themselves with good role models of empathetic behavior. To help someone who struggles to be empathetic, display empathy in your conversations with them and in your interactions with others, being kind and generous to show them what it looks like.
  
• Practice identifying emotions. Many people who lack empathy struggle to understand others’ emotions and where they come from. They may interpret someone who’s scared as being angry or someone who’s hurt as being aggressive. To help develop their ability to understand others’ emotions, practice identifying emotional reactions in others and discussing potential causes. For example, if a friend is having a hard time, talk through it with the person to identify how that friend might be feeling and why. You can also consider discussing ways in which you both could help.
• Recommend professional help. Some people may lack empathy due to a mental health difficulty or major stressor in their life. Consider recommending a visit to a mental health professional or empathy coach to help them get their life back on track and make more room for empathy in their interactions with others.

To lead effectively, you must embody leadership skills as if they were second nature. Consider asking a mentor to help you develop your skill sets; you should also have clear expectations for yourself as you work to improve. Here are ten ways to work on building important leadership qualities:

1. 1. Build trust. Strong leaders earn and keep the trust of those they lead. Work to keep your promises and follow through on commitments because all the hard work you put into building trust with your team can easily evaporate.
2. 2. Check your biases. Everyone has preconceived notions about what the right decision is in any given situation. A good leader is aware of this and seeks out differing opinions and solutions to arrive at the best decision; they do not merely go with the idea that came to them first. By checking your biases, you can look at the situation more holistically.
3. 3. Develop self-confidence. A good leader has enough self-awareness to see where they can improve in their personal development and enough self-confidence to know they’ll be able to improve. There are different styles of leadership, but all leaders should be confident. Successful leaders take intelligent risks; to take risks, you need to be sure of yourself.
4. 4. Encourage common goals. A sign of strong leadership is the ability to establish clear goals for your entire team. This can lead to a greater sense of functionality, teamwork, and unity for a small or large group of people.
5. 5. Exhibit competency. Great leaders exhibit a great deal of competency in their fields. With both hard and soft skills, they show their team members they know what they’re doing.
6. 6. Hone communication skills. Building effective communication skills helps you relate to your team and convey your vision for the organization as a whole. If you cannot communicate effectively, you won’t get buy-in from others to pursue common goals. As a result, good communication skills are essential leadership attributes.
7. 7. Know when to delegate. True leaders know when their plate is too full or when they’re not the best person for a specific task. Delegating initiatives to others is necessary. This simultaneously demonstrates you have top-notch project management skills and trust enough in your team members, giving them a sense of empowerment. The best work environments are those in which everyone can operate from a sense of power and purpose.
8. 8. Maintain a positive attitude. Effective leaders must maintain a good headspace and positive attitude. There are ups and downs for any organization—it’s a sign of good leadership to help people keep calm and carry on even during tough times.
9. 9. Practice empathy. Develop an empathetic attitude and emotional intelligence so you can relate to your team on a personal level. Understand other people’s stresses and successes, triumphs, and tragedies to help you better lead them.
10. 10. Solve problems creatively. Problem-solving and decision-making are important elements of any leader’s job description. You’re the final say on any given initiative, dispute, and so on. To be a better leader, be ready to solve problems creatively, empathetically, and routinely.

Practicing empathy can help you lead more effectively while building stronger relationships across the personal and professional facets of your life. Challenge your perceptions with the MasterClass Annual Membership and take lessons on emotional intelligence from Pharrell Williams, Roxane Gay, Gloria Steinem, Dr. Cornel West, Walter Mosley, Robert Reffkin, and Robin Arzón.