Intellectual Intimacy: 5 Ways to Build Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is the intellectual connection between two people in a romantic relationship. To share intimacy of any sort, people need to feel they can be their true selves around their significant other. On an intellectual level, this means feeling happy to freely share opinions about current events, enjoy similar forms of entertainment, or learn how to do new things together.

Intellectual intimacy helps build a foundation for successful relationships. Here are just three key benefits to expect when you become more intellectually intimate with your partner:

1. 1. Greater intellectual stimulation: Both parties in a relationship stand to gain from intellectual intimacy on a purely individual level. If you and your partner share the same interests, it’s far easier to stimulate each other on an intellectual plane than if you had no common ground.
2. 2. Increased connection: Even though intellectual intimacy might sound quite cerebral, it can bring about an extensive degree of emotional closeness as well. It can help improve your mental health and counteract any insecurities you might have since you’ll develop greater confidence as you see a person you love taking your thoughts and interests seriously. This mutual sense of love and respect is essential to any healthy relationship.
3. 3. More common ground: The more things you share in common, the more opportunities you have to create a feeling of safety and security for your partner. People feel at ease around others who see the world in roughly the same way as they do. This can help both of you get over any residual fear of intimacy and improve the well-being of your relationship.

Sharing similar interests is just the beginning of intellectual intimacy. Keep these tips in mind while building intimacy with your significant other on an intellectual level:

1. 1. Ask about your partner’s opinions. Create a safe space for your partner to earnestly share their opinions about both trivial and deep topics. Allow them to work through insecurities and past traumas with you. Talk about your opinions on world events.
2. 2. Learn new skills together. The more common interests you share, the richer your connection will be. Find hobbies you both have an interest in and commit to pursuing them together. If you’re having a hard time deciding on a specific pursuit, consider asking a therapist or relationship coach for advice.
3. 3. Plan a vacation together. When you go through life together, you grow closer simply by experiencing the same things. Put your heads together to plan a romantic getaway. Along the way, you’ll learn how both of you think and problem-solve, as well as how you can complement each other. This allows you to pair experiential intimacy with intellectual closeness.
4. 4. Share your favorite media with each other. Watch movies and television shows together. Read the same books. Share memes and online videos with each other that you think the other will find funny. Send each other news articles. You'll feel closer to each other when you share a similar attitude and outlook about the world.
5. 5. Talk about core values. Spend time learning how your partner feels about the world. It’s better to seek out commonalities in a relationship than to constantly attack another person’s point of view. Be honest with each other about your personal values so you can be sure you’re a good match.

Intellectual intimacy is one aspect of a loving relationship. Consider three more types of closeness worth cultivating:

1. 1. Emotional intimacy: Connecting on an emotional level is essential to any relationship. Emotional intimacy means learning to share the ups and downs of each other’s lives through good times and bad. It means being a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, or a calming presence in times of stress. At the same time, it means relying on your partner to provide you with emotional support when you need it, too.
2. 2. Sexual intimacy: Your sex life is one part of your relationship, but it’s still an important one. Physical intimacy often operates as an outward act to solidify how both you and your partner feel about each other on a deeper level. When you connect with your significant other on an emotional and intellectual level, you’ll likely have a richer sexual relationship as a result.
3. 3. Spiritual intimacy: If you hold spiritual beliefs, sharing the same worldview with your partner affords you both an opportunity for even deeper intimacy. In contrast, if you come from different schools of thought, you can still learn a lot from each other and grow closer as a result.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).