How to Say ‘No’ Politely: 7 Tips to Help You Learn to Say ‘No’

Saying “yes” to everything means trending toward burnout fast—so you should prepare to say “no” before your mental health and wellness are in jeopardy. This can mean refusing to take on extra work that will cut into much–needed free time, choosing self-care over a social obligation, and otherwise refraining from being a people pleaser. You should say “no” when you know you need to in both your personal and work relationships—and knowing that requires confidence and self-understanding.

Saying “no” to someone puts you in a difficult situation. At the end of the day, it’s always going to feel hard to frustrate someone’s plans or desires. In toxic relationships and work environments, saying “no” can feel like even more of an uphill battle—you might feel an entire friendship, future job referral, or your salary depends on you only saying “yes” all the time.

However, saying “yes” to everything should never be part of your job description or a relationship requirement—it puts unrealistic demands on you and will lead to frustration for everybody. Team players should be able to both hear “no” and say “no” when the situation warrants it.

Saying “no” to the right person for the right reasons should never jeopardize your reputation. Good relationships—both in and out of the workplace—hinge on free-choice and mutual respect. Setting boundaries with your boss, spouse or partner, friends, and coworkers comes with the territory of healthy adult interconnection.

There’s a difference between politely refusing someone’s request and rudely putting them on the back burner, just as there’s a difference between someone kindly asking you for a favor and coercively demanding you carry it out for them. If you take another person’s feelings into account but also stick to the moral high ground when saying “no,” you should have no reason to fear retaliation. If they retaliate, you will know it’s time to either have an honest conversation about boundaries with the person or end your professional or personal relationship with them.

People-pleasing can feel easier than standing firm and saying “no,” but it’s better if you’re honest from the beginning. Here are seven tips to help you say “no” politely throughout your workday and in your personal life, too:

1. 1. Assess the situation. Ask yourself whether you just want to refuse someone’s request flat out or can rain check on fulfilling it. If it’s the latter, consider whether you will have enough bandwidth in the future to accommodate their request. Tell them you’ll follow up with them when you can carve out time or provide them with an exact timeframe.
2. 2. Be kind but forthright. Though you can always just say “no” on its own terms, you might find more success by padding your refusal with positivity. Keep your vocal tone and body language calm, welcoming, and kind. There’s no need to hide the real reason you’re saying “no,” so long as you can express it in a polite manner. People will appreciate it if you tell them kindly and quickly why you can’t accommodate them.
3. 3. Define healthy boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries with coworkers and close friends alike. People shouldn’t expect they can take advantage of you or that you’ll drop everything for them at the last minute. Aim for relationships in which both of you feel glad to say “yes” when you can but are also understanding when one of you can’t.
4. 4. Know yourself. It’s hard to say “no” without knowing when you should in the first place—and knowing yourself and your needs will help you arrive at those sorts of conclusions. Have a brainstorming session about areas where you have too much on your plate. Be honest about your own needs—you need to be able to take care of yourself before you can show up for others.
5. 5. Offer a brief explanation. Providing a succinct explanation as to why you’re refusing a request is one polite way to say “no.” For instance, if you already have other work this week that would prevent you from hitting a new deadline, let the person know that. If you have more free time next week, tell them you’d be happy to reevaluate then (but only if you want to, of course). Refrain from adding too much fluff to your explanation or sugarcoating it—this can give the other person false hope.
6. 6. Set priorities. Make a list of your personal priorities so it’s easier to maintain work-life balance and know when you need to say “no.” It’s hard to do everything, so you need to know how and when to make trade-offs. Ask if you’re spending too much time away from loved ones or not enough time focusing on your personal mental health. Help your team members at work when you can and be understanding of their own needs—they will be happier to oblige your own boundaries when you need them to as well. In addition to helping you learn when to say “no,” practicing this sort of prioritization or making a to-do list will help you with time management in general.
7. 7. Understand manipulation. When you tell someone “no,” you can feel like you’re doing them a disservice—but sometimes, they’re the ones being aggressive. If someone is giving you a hard time, asking loaded questions, or crossing boundaries, reframe the situation in your mind. Rather than turning the person down, you’re standing up for yourself. When you feel confident and empowered to look out for yourself this way, it can be easier to say “no.”

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