How to Practice Tantric Sex With a Partner or Solo

Tantric sex is a method of sexual intercourse that aims to achieve mindfulness and deep connection for its participants through breathwork, prolonged eye contact, embraces, massage, and slow, deliberate intercourse. Tantric sex is one component of tantra (“weave” in Sanskrit), a spiritual belief system from India that focuses on mind-body connections. The goal of tantric sex is to move sexual energy between participants to facilitate healing, transformation, and spiritual growth.

Tantric sex is one part of a spiritual belief system called tantra, which originated in 600 CE in India as an amalgamation of ancient Hindu, Buddhist, and Jain traditions. Classical tantra is a spiritual path that works toward mindfulness and connection outside of oneself, in all aspects of life, with the ultimate goal of chakra alignment and true enlightenment.

While classic tantra is still practiced throughout the world, Western cultures adopted tantric practices in the form of “neotantra”, which rose to popularity within the last 150 years. Neotantra’s goal is mindfulness and connection, with a more extensive focus on sexual intimacy, or tantric sex than classical tantra.

Tantric sex can offer a wide variety of benefits:

• Releases you from expectations. Many people approach sex with certain expectations or concerns—for instance, the expectation that penetration will occur or the concerns around whether you or your partner will reach climax. The goal of tantric sex is to release you from those expectations. You can enjoy tantric sexuality with or without penetration, orgasm, or even a partner. Letting go of these expectations can help you relax and enjoy the present moment, promoting more spiritual wellness around the sexual experience.
• Encourages mindfulness. From work to finances, everyone juggles many daily stressors. These concerns and stressors can end up invading the bedroom, making it difficult to give or receive sexual pleasure. Tantric sex works to release you from distractions and zero in on your body (or your partner’s), helping you center yourself in the present moment, harness your sexual energy, and allowing you to enjoy better sex.
• Can lead to a deeper connection. Whether you’re exploring tantric sexuality with a partner or on your own, the practice can make you more in tune with the sexual experience. Through breathing, massage, or partner-based methods like eye contact, you can unlock a deeper connection with yourself or your partner for a more intimate experience.
• Often extends intercourse. Tantric sex aims for a slow, thoughtful interaction that allows you to explore and relax rather than rush toward achieving orgasm. From long sessions of foreplay to “edging” (a sexual practice that involves cycles of intense stimulation while holding off climax for increased pleasure), tantric sex often lasts longer than traditional sexual intercourse.

If you and your partner want to experiment with tantric sex, check out these basic tips to get started:

1. 1. Prepare a safe space. You should always practice tantric sex in a space that feels comfortable and sacred. Pick a room in your home and prepare it by cleaning up, dimming the lights, lighting candles or incense, and playing relaxing music. To prepare for the act, you and your partner should shower and find something to wear that makes you both feel relaxed and sensual. Turn off or silence your phones to avoid distractions and keep you in the present moment.
2. 2. Begin with “eye gazing.” To begin, sit up straight facing your partner and look into each other’s eyes. This process, often called eye gazing or soul gazing, may make you uncomfortable initially but resist the urge to look away. After a few minutes of prolonged eye contact, you should feel yourself relax and slip into a place of even deeper connection and intimacy. You can hold hands during this step or synchronize your breathing to help stay in tune and deepen the mind-body connection.
3. 3. Create a circuit. A common next step after eye gazing is a “hands-on heart” circuit. To create the circuit, each partner should place their right hand on their partner’s heart and hold their left hand over their own heart. Tune into the love and affection you feel flowing from your body and your partner’s body, furthering your physical and spiritual connection.
4. 4. Add more physical foreplay. After you have established a meaningful connection, you can add more physical foreplay to increase sexual arousal. Deep, slow kissing or sensual full-body massage are great ways to ramp up the tantric experience.
5. 5. Go as far as you are comfortable. Tantric sex doesn’t have to culminate in penetration. Check with your partner to determine their expectations for the session. If you and your partner want to have intercourse, start with the yab-yum position, a sexual position which represents the uniting of masculine, penetrative energies (Shiva) and feminine, receptive energies (Shakti). Each partner can serve either role, regardless of gender. For yab-yum, the penetrative partner sits cross-legged while the receptive partner sits in their lap with their legs wrapped around their lower back. In addition to yab-yum, explore any positions, lubes, or sex toys you both enjoy. As you have intercourse, try to continue breathing deeply, staying mindful of your body’s pleasure, and moving in slow, meaningful rhythms.
6. 6. Experiment with edging. Tantric sex is about more than just orgasm—in a tantric sex session, you don’t need to orgasm at all. If you want to draw out the pleasure, try edging, a sexual technique in which you are brought to the brink of climax in cycles, holding off orgasm for increased pleasure. Edging with a partner allows them to control your release and can result in heightened pleasure upon climax.

While you can perform tantric sex with a partner, you can also experience tantra pleasure during solo masturbation. Here are some tips to get you started:

1. 1. Prepare. You should always practice tantric sex in a space that feels comfortable and sacred. Pick a room in your home and prepare it by cleaning up, dimming the lights, lighting candles or incense, and playing some relaxing music. To prepare yourself, shower, then select an outfit that makes you feel relaxed and sensual. Turn off or silence your phone to avoid distractions and keep you in the present moment.
2. 2. Feel your breath. Your breath plays a vital role in your mood and mindfulness. First, place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest, then inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Feel your abdomen expand and contract with each deep breath.
3. 3. Explore your body. Use your hands to explore different parts of your body in an intimate tantric massage. Spend time massaging your neck, chest, stomach, and inner thighs, as well as your arms, face, and ankles. As you explore your entire body, take notice of the different sensations you feel in your groin area and pelvic floor.
4. 4. Go as far as you want. Tantric sex doesn’t have to culminate in orgasm, so you can always stop the process if you feel satisfied. If you want to continue, you may begin to masturbate, moving slowly. You can incorporate toys, lotions, and different positions, but remember to breathe deeply, staying mindful of your body’s pleasure as you move in slow, meaningful rhythms.
5. 5. Experiment with edging. To draw out the pleasure and hold off on an orgasm, try edging, a sexual practice in which yourself to the brink of climax then delay the orgasm to prolong the pleasure. Edging gives you full control of your body’s pleasure, allowing you to unlock an orgasm at the time of your choosing.
   

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