How to Have a Threesome: 6 Tips for a Successful Threesome

A threesome, also known as a threeway or a ménage à trois, is any sexual activity involving three consenting adults. This form of group sex can involve participants of any gender. In some cases, all three individuals are single. Other times, threesomes involve a couple adding a third party into their sex lives.

Choosing the right threesome partner is essential for a great experience.

• Articulate what you want. There are different challenges to consider depending on whether you want to include strangers, acquaintances, or close friends. Including a stranger in a threesome requires a more stringent vetting process to ensure chemistry and safety. On the other hand, if you involve a friend, you run the risk of complicating that friendship. Be clear about your desires, and acknowledge any potential emotional risks.
• Use dating apps. Dating sites and apps can be useful tools when you’re looking for a third party to include in your sex life. You and your partner can set up a joint profile communicating what you are looking for in a threesome partner, whether it’s a unicorn (typically a bisexual woman who sleeps with couples), someone to have sex with while your partner watches, or perhaps a more consistent third person to include in the relationship.
• Communicate clearly. No matter who you choose to invite, be sure that you establish clear lines of communication. When you find the right person, be direct and honest about your desires and expectations. It may take some time, but if you continue to put yourself out there, you can eventually find the right third party to enhance your sex life.

Consider these tips for how to have a healthy and successful threesome.

1. 1. Set your intention. Take time to think about what you want to get out of the experience, especially if it’s your first threesome. Are you trying to fulfil a particular fantasy? Do you want to explore your own sexuality? Is something missing from your current sex life? Clarifying your desires will help you navigate the intricacies of a threesome.
2. 2. Discuss with your partner in the right context. The idea of having a threesome might intimidate your partner at first or cause them to experience jealousy. Stay calm and explain the reasons why you are interested in having a threesome. Be sure that you are not using a threesome as a bandage for or distraction from an existing problem in the relationship. Adding another person to your sex life will only complicate any communication or sexual issues with your partner. Remember that your partner needs to make the decision for themselves—don’t try to convince them. If your partner is the one suggesting a threesome, make sure it’s something you are excited about as well. If it’s not, be honest and discuss other possibilities.
3. 3. Find the right third person. Once you and your partner are on the same page, discuss potential lovers to introduce into the relationship. Perhaps you met an attractive stranger on an app date, or maybe you want to include your best friend. As long as you and your partner both feel a chemistry with the third person, you can take the next step by approaching them and extending an invitation. Keep your invitation fun and casual, but remember to be direct and clear.
4. 4. Set boundaries and ground rules. After finding the right person for a threesome, the three of you should sit down to discuss boundaries and ground rules. Agree on which sex acts you all are comfortable performing and receiving. This includes anything from kissing to penetration to oral sex to BDSM play. Always make sure you have consent before engaging in any sexual activity. It’s important for all parties involved to discuss safe sex practices to avoid passing on any sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Decide whether or not you need to use condoms, gloves, or dental dams. Discuss with your partner if the third person is invited to sleep over or not. Once you’ve established boundaries and ground rules, set a date.
5. 5. Get comfortable and enjoy. Create the right mood for your threesome. Light some candles, share a bottle of wine, and listen to some sexy music. Get comfortable with each other by talking and flirting. Once the sexual encounter begins, try a few different positions until you find the right one that works for all three of you. Keep lube close by, and use it often. Consider introducing sex toys into your threesome. The right sex toy can add an exciting element to the encounter and ensure that everyone is being stimulated the way they want. Be sure to clean your sex toys before sharing them. Remember that if you are feeling uncomfortable at any point, you can stop the sexual encounter immediately.
6. 6. Debrief. After your threesome, be open with your sexual partners about what you enjoyed. Discussing the experience can help alleviate any jealousy or awkwardness. Once you and your partner are alone again, be honest about whether or not threesomes are something you want to make a regular part of your sex lives or if it was a one-time thing.

With the right partners and clear communication, a good threesome can be a way to explore your sexuality, reignite a connection with your long-term partner, and experience new forms of pleasure.

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