How to Be a Better Listener in 7 Steps

Listening takes conscious effort and practice. Certain habits that you’re unaware of (or behaviors that you may think are helpful) may impede your ability to retain information and engage with others. Here are some social habits that indicate poor listening skills:

1. 1. Not paying attention: It is easy to get distracted by other things (sometimes under the guise of multitasking) as you’re having a conversation. However, it takes your attention away from what the other person is saying. The more stimuli around to distract a person—such as cell phones or a nearby television—the less likely they are to actively listen to the person speaking.
2. 2. Interjecting with a personal anecdote: It may seem helpful to sympathize or relate to the speaker by offering your own experience. However, this habit can make the speaker feel like you’re not fully respecting their story and simply want to turn the attention to yourself.
3. 3. Judging the speaker: Some people tune out or get defensive if someone shares an opinion they disagree with. The listener may shut down and refuse to relate, which prevents a potentially meaningful conversation.
4. 4. Not asking questions: Not asking follow-up questions about the speaker’s story can indicate poor listening skills. Asking questions shows engagement and curiosity and makes the other person feel heard.
5. 5. Talking over the speaker: Good listeners rarely cut someone else off to comment with their own opinion. It can send a message that your thoughts are more important than theirs. A silence or momentary pause is not always a reason to insert your own story, rebuttal, or belief.
6. 6. Waiting to talk: Formulating a response while the speaker is talking results in distracted listening. If you appear more interested in telling your own story than listening, it can degrade your personal and professional relationships. The other person may not feel heard, making them less inclined to have conversations with you in the future.

Good listening skills take awareness and practice, but following basic listening tips can pay off in interpersonal and personal ways. Here’s how to improve your listening skills:

• Practice active listening. Active listening means giving your full attention to a person who is speaking. An active listener focuses mentally and physically on their communication partner and can express interest and engage meaningfully in the conversation. Active listening involves verbal and nonverbal communication skills like eye contact, open body position, and stillness. Don’t just wait to talk; let the person say what they want and wait for an organic moment to add to the conversation.
• Be supportive. An effective listener will let the other person speak without interjecting their own thoughts, opinions, unsolicited information, or fixes. If a person opens up to you, try not to disregard their feelings or diminish their pain or anxiety. You may not even be aware you’re doing so, thinking that a quick reassurance that “everything will be okay” is what they want to hear.
• Keep an open mind. Simply listening with an open mind facilitates trust and shows that you can hear another person’s words without having to share your advice or point of view. Even if the topic makes you slightly uncomfortable, keep an open mind and avoid rushing into another subject. Empathy takes patience and understanding.
• Mentally note key details. Repeat the speaker’s last few words back to them to show that you’re absorbing what they say. Remember the parts of the conversation that stood out so you can ask follow-up questions. Note any confusing details so you can ask clarifying questions. Some people will notice when a person is only pretending to listen, so keep yourself engaged and focused on the person talking. Wait until they’ve finished speaking to jump in with comments or open-ended questions.
• Ask questions. Asking questions is a great way to show you are engaged in and paying attention to what the other person is saying. Clarifying questions can help you understand what the speaker is saying, while asking probing questions can encourage them to share more information. Keep in mind that you don’t want to interrogate the speaker. Your questions should help them feel comfortable and supported.
• Perform active listening exercises. Practice active listening by working on exercises designed to hone your skills. An example of an active listening exercise is to write a summary of information following each conversation you have. It’s a good way to get into the habit of forcing your mind to stay active and engaged during interactions with others.
• Use positive body language. Monitor your body language and emotional reactions when another person speaks to you. Certain habits—for example, turning your body away from the person, not making eye contact, or shifting around in your seat—may indicate passive listening (or not listening at all). Face the person you’re talking to, and use positive movements, like nodding or leaning in, to denote that you are giving the speaker your undivided attention. Additionally, facial expressions and other nonverbal cues may indicate judgment even if you don’t say anything, so be mindful of your reactions.

Practicing empathy can help you lead more effectively while building stronger relationships across the personal and professional facets of your life. Challenge your perceptions with the MasterClass Annual Membership and take lessons on emotional intelligence from Pharrell Williams, Roxane Gay, Gloria Steinem, Dr. Cornel West, Walter Mosley, Robert Reffkin, and Robin Arzón.