How to Apologize to Someone in 6 Steps

Taking full responsibility when you make a mistake with a sincere and genuine apology communicates to the hurt person that you care about their feelings and want to learn from your error. When you express remorse with a genuine apology, you take the first step toward rebuilding trust without making excuses for your behavior. Effective apologies support good mental health and improve relationships with partners, friends, family members, and coworkers.

If you suspect you’ve hurt a person’s feelings, you may want to express regret with a heartfelt apology as soon as possible to clear the air. If you don’t know if you’ve offended a loved one, these common behavioral indicators usually mean someone feels upset:

• Avoiding engagement: If someone is ignoring, avoiding, or limiting interactions with you, you may have upset them somehow. Avoid making assumptions or violating their boundaries in your quest to apologize.
• Changes in typical behavior: If the person normally behaves in a fun, welcoming way and suddenly seems cold or angry, they may be waiting for an apology.
• Closed body language: Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, and turning their body away from you are all examples of closed body language. Learn how to read body language.
• Closed facial expressions: Negative or tense facial expressions that make you feel uncomfortable could indicate an unspoken issue.
• Vocal tone: Observe changes in their tone of voice, such as coldness, monotone, or subtle anger. If someone gives clipped, short answers when forced to engage, they may be upset.

When you apologize the right way, you’ll benefit from a strengthened relationship and trust with the other person. Follow these steps to make a sincere apology:

1. 1. Do it face-to-face. If possible, make your apology in person. Your body language, facial expressions, and ability to listen to their response all add to the sincerity of your words.
2. 2. Be specific. Be sure to name what you did wrong in your apology so that the other person understands you know what you did. “I’m sorry I lied to you” will be more effective and clear than just saying “I’m sorry.”
3. 3. Express regret. Part of an apology means expressing regret that you behaved as you did and wishing you hadn’t made a mistake in the first place.
4. 4. Keep it about your behavior. When you apologize, avoid pointing out any of your loved one’s behaviors that might have led to your outburst. Only apologize for what you did and keep your explanation brief.
5. 5. Acknowledge their feelings. If the other person chooses to respond with how they felt about your behavior, acknowledge their feelings without justifying or lacing your words with defensiveness. Let them speak without interruption.
6. 6. Let go. Once you’ve apologized, let go of the situation, regardless of whether or not your loved one accepts your apology. Some people take time to process and work through their feelings, so if they don’t immediately forgive you, respect their decision, try not to take it personally, and be patient.

Practicing empathy can help you lead more effectively while building stronger relationships across the personal and professional facets of your life. Challenge your perceptions with the MasterClass Annual Membership and take lessons on emotional intelligence from Pharrell Williams, Roxane Gay, Gloria Steinem, Dr. Cornel West, Walter Mosley, Robert Reffkin, and Robin Arzón.