ENM Meaning: Ethical Non-Monogamy in Relationships

Ethical non-monogamy refers to any relationship dynamic in which partners consent to pursue sexual and romantic connections with multiple people.

While monogamous people only have one serious relationship at a time, ethically non-monogamous or polyamorous people see no reason to limit their options in this way. They also do so with the awareness and assent of any current partners. These sorts of arrangements have increased in prevalence over recent years.

The primary goal of ethically non-monogamous relationships is to form a strong sexual or emotional connection with multiple people. This can manifest in a wide array of different relationship dynamics. Sometimes people share partners; other times, they keep their various relationships separate. Some people might prefer to indulge in casual sex, while others might hope to build a lasting throuple, quad, or polycule.

It’s a common misconception to think ethical non-monogamy is synonymous with cheating. Those in these sorts of relationships balk at the comparison. Cheating, after all, requires a breach of trust and begets jealousy and a sense of betrayal. In all forms of ethical non-monogamy, all romantic and sexual partners know about one another and are glad to pursue multiple relationships or engage in sexual encounters together.

Intimate relationships can take on many different forms. These are just a few non-monogamous relationship styles to consider if you’re thinking about opening up your own partnership:

1. 1. Monogamish: Some people want to be largely monogamous with the option to have occasional outside relationships. In such an arrangement, both people remain loyal to their primary partner and gain consent if they want to dabble in a night of casual sex or dating outside the relationship. Sometimes monogamish people bring others into their mutual relationship temporarily (as in the case of a threesome).
2. 2. Open relationships: If you and your partner are happy with your romantic relationship but want to spice up your sex life, consider an open relationship. While some arrangements like these focus on emotional connections, many prioritize sexual experimentation with like-minded partners beyond the primary relationship.
3. 3. Polyamory: While this catch-all term can refer to ethically non-monogamous relationships as a whole, it also denotes a specific form of relationship in which all partners have a sexual and emotional relationship with one another. Some call this arrangement polyfidelity to avoid confusion. Keep in mind, polygamy and polyamory are different things. The former refers to having multiple spouses, while the latter refers to having multiple relationships.
4. 4. Relationship anarchy: If you’re less interested in a polysecure approach, consider relationship anarchy. Perhaps the most open of all open relationships, this arrangement disregards the concept of secondary or primary relationships completely. People who take this approach believe there’s no need for labels when it comes to love and sex.
5. 5. Swinging: Some otherwise monogamous couples make a regular practice of swinging, or swapping sexual partners with each other. Swingers tend to be more laissez-faire than their polyamorous counterparts when it comes to sharing partners. They view it as a fun activity rather than an extra romantic relationship.

Practicing ethical non-monogamy requires a lot of self-awareness, integrity, and openness. Follow these tips to ensure your ethical non-monogamous relationship is a success:

• Be honest. Open communication and honesty are paramount in ENM relationships. Before you start experimenting with new relationship models, make sure any current partner is on board. If you find yourself hiding information from your partner or partners or lying to them, you’ve crossed the bridge into unethical behavior. Everyone needs to be on the same page at all times.
• Check in with each other. People can have different emotions about exploring new relationship dynamics. Regular check-ins help you gain a better understanding of how everyone feels. The goal is to enjoy forming new romantic connections and sexual relationships with different people. When you keep each other posted on a regular basis, you ensure everyone is happy with the present arrangement.
• Educate yourself. Do research before you hop on a dating app in search of new partners. Listen to podcasts or read content about what makes an ethically non-monogamous relationship work. Consult a sex educator or sex therapist to ensure you put your best foot forward.
• Keep things fluid. Sometimes ethically non-monogamous relationships expose insecurities you or your partner or partners didn’t even know were there. If you thought you were ready for a certain form of relationship and then realize it’s not for you, that’s okay. Prioritize everyone’s emotional and mental health—including your own—and be ready to change gears if necessary.
• Stay safe. Keep your sexual health and wellness in mind as you pursue any type of relationship, whether monogamous or non-monogamous. Make sure to use protection, especially with new partners, to prevent the potential transmission of STIs, unwanted pregnancies, and other negative outcomes.

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