What Is Emotional Regulation? Tips and Skills to Practice

Emotional regulation is the conscious or unconscious psychological process of managing one’s internal emotional responses to external stimuli. Everyone regulates their emotional responses—which can involve both positive and negative emotions—to neutral stimuli in day-to-day life. However, regulating negative emotions is often a more common topic in therapeutic treatment.

Luckily, people can incorporate many emotion regulation skills into their daily lives to amend maladaptive behavioral responses. Learning how to regulate one’s emotions reduces stress, changes behaviors, and curbs outbursts that may negatively affect the well-being of oneself and others.

Emotional self-regulation is important because it allows a person to exert emotional control over themselves, mitigating internal negative feelings that can lead to inappropriate behavioral patterns.

Properly regulating one’s emotions fosters healthy relationships, allows one to remain professional in the workplace, and evens out one’s mood. Developing the emotional intelligence to understand one’s own emotions—rather than repress them—can also limit hurtful reactions and meltdowns.

Many emotional regulation processes can help mitigate negative feelings and behaviors. Review this list of standard practices for managing overly emotional reactions.

1. 1. Change your thoughts. As a popular cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) tool, cognitive reappraisal (also called cognitive change) trains people to reframe their negative thoughts as positive ones. For example, suppose your partner is upset. In this case, try to reframe your thoughts rather than immediately thinking they want to end your relationship (which may instill a fear or anger response). Tell yourself, “They are upset right now, and I want to work through this with them later.” This positive reassessment allows you to redirect your attention to positive emotions and problem-solving.
2. 2. Bring awareness to your emotions. Rather than repressing or shaming yourself for negative feelings, emotional awareness tactics (like breathing exercises or journaling) allow you to understand your various emotional states and modulate your behaviors. Bringing awareness to strong emotions by naming them and identifying their triggers can help you exert better control over them.
3. 3. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves shifting your attention to the present moment, which can help identify negative emotions, regulate them, and adjust your responses. Learn more about the principles of mindfulness.
4. 4. Shift your attention. During a rumination episode where you’re stuck in a negative thought loop, shifting your attention elsewhere helps to modulate your feelings. Go for a run, call a friend, or read a book to get your mind off the emotional trigger, and reevaluate it later with a clear head.

There are many emotion regulation strategies, some of which will come easier to you than others. Here are some tips and tricks to try:

1. 1. Be kind to yourself. Developing self-compassion, especially in emotional situations, will help you handle them better. Take time each day to practice self-care (read a book, exercise, or schedule time with a friend) and appreciate yourself.
2. 2. Practice positive self-talk. Positively speaking to yourself is a great self-help tool that will help you cultivate empathy for yourself and others. It can also improve your decision-making skills and help you refrain from second-guessing yourself.
3. 3. Identify triggers. As you bring attention to your emotions, you may notice that certain triggers provoke negative emotions. Mentally note these stimuli or physically write them down in a journal to help you anticipate your feelings or avoid certain situations.
4. 4. Work with a professional to develop a strategy. If you are dealing with intense emotional dysregulation, consider working with a mental health professional. They will be able to identify additional coping strategies for anxiety disorders and other mental health concerns.

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