Emotional Cheating: 8 Signs of Emotional Cheating

In committed relationships, emotional cheating describes the act of a primary partner relying on emotional support from a person outside the relationship. People often view emotional cheating as micro-cheating because it is not a sexual affair. The person outside the relationship may not be a romantic partner, but they are still someone with whom a primary partner shares a deep emotional connection. Emotional cheating can break relationship boundaries, build sexual tension, and form an emotional bond that can be detrimental to the primary relationship.

Platonic friendships and emotional cheating involve a sense of emotional intimacy and closeness but differ in their executions. In emotional cheating, a partner crosses boundaries that cause harm to the primary romantic relationship. A platonic friendship should not lead to the possibility of sexual infidelity or physical contact that breaks a rule within a relationship.

People in partnerships need to have relationships outside the one they share; couples should invest emotionally in close friends, family, coworkers, and others. Emotional cheating arises when one partner is uncomfortable with how much time and attention a partner gives to someone else, often at the expense of the committed partner’s well-being.

Emotional cheating can take many forms:

1. 1. They are distant. While emotionally cheating, people might distance themselves from their significant other, leading to diminished sexual attraction.
2. 2. They are irritable. Emotional infidelity can mean the cheating partner will be moodier than usual and may not feel comfortable discussing the changes in their relationship.
3. 3. They break trust. The breach of trust in a relationship is a red flag and a standard part of emotional cheating. You might feel a sudden emotional distance, and your partner might lie about where they spend their time.
4. 4. They form suspiciously close friendships. Close outside friendships are essential to all healthy relationships. Still, if a partner relies on another person outside their romantic relationship to fulfill their relationship needs, it can disrupt the foundational emotional connection.
5. 5. They keep secrets. If a partner sends text messages to or spends time with someone but does not want to say who that person is, they might be emotionally cheating.
6. 6. They lack emotional availability. People cheating in this way will go to others for their emotional needs and withhold feelings from their primary partner. Being emotionally unavailable can be a sign of emotional cheating.
7. 7. They prioritize nonworking hours with a coworker. Someone may be emotionally cheating if they spend nonworking hours with a coworker in a way that inhibits the primary relationship.
8. 8. They talk more about the outside person than usual. A sign of too much emotional intimacy may be that a partner always brings up the person with whom they are having an emotional affair.

There are many reasons people emotionally cheat on their partners. Consider the following reasons:

• A partner is emotionally unavailable. One partner might not be not emotionally available, so the other seeks that in someone else. Sometimes, partners feel unfulfilled in their relationship and seek comfort from other people.
• A partner feels disrespected. If the emotional cheater feels their partner does not respect them, they may cheat to get their partner’s focus.
• A partner feels unappreciated. People may also emotionally cheat when they lack appreciation for their partner. Emotional cheating can cause damage and make the cheated-on partner feel small, affecting their mental health and highlighting the necessity for respect and trust in the relationship.

Emotional cheating can lead to breakups and breakthroughs. In worse cases, emotional cheating may reveal a lack of respect between people; this can cause a breakup and affect the cheated-on partner’s mental health.

Emotional cheating, sometimes seen as a lesser form of cheating than a physical affair, can also show the cracks in a relationship and encourage growth. The distress caused by emotional cheating can lead to healthy conversations between couples to get them to understand their partners' needs.

Building emotional safety within your relationship is essential to prevent emotional cheating. Consider the following ways to stave off emotional infidelity:

1. 1. Be honest with yourself. You know your feelings best. If you feel you are getting too close to someone or someone is trying to get too close to you, know that emotional cheating can be a slippery slope. Address these feelings head-on, set boundaries with this outside person, and discuss your fears with your partner, as hiding behind them can lead to resentment later on.
2. 2. Communicate regularly. Make a space and home where both parties feel comfortable expressing their thoughts. Use eye contact, hold hands, and express your feelings openly with your partner.
3. 3. Practice emotional availability with your partner. Be vulnerable in front of your partner, and they will return that openness to you. Tell your partner what they mean to you, and consider your life without them to help deter emotional cheating.
4. 4. See a relationship therapist. You do not have to be in distress to go to couples therapy. Ongoing, standing appointments can be healthy for everyone involved, making it easier to have an open forum to discuss worries and expectations.

If emotional cheating affects your relationship, there are a few ways to move forward. You can:

1. 1. Build back trust. First, if you feel the relationship is worth salvaging, see a relationship expert. Therapy can help you rebuild trust. You and your partner should also practice emotional vulnerability.
2. 2. Communicate boundaries with your partner. Share your relationship needs and feelings around outside friendships. You and your partner might find that having deep emotional relationships with others outside your primary relationship is okay. In this case, try out nonmonogamy, but be sure to set which boundaries matter to you.
3. 3. End the relationship if need be. Finally, and in worst cases, emotional cheating may reveal you are not in a healthy relationship, and this form of disloyalty may be the problematic final straw.

Developing relational intelligence and improving communication are essential to boost the quality of your personal and professional relationships. Discover Esther Perel’s approach to resolving conflict, having difficult conversations, and building trust when you sign up for a MasterClass Annual Membership.