How to Talk Dirty: 7 Tips for Improving Your Dirty Talk

Dirty talk is a sexual practice in which partners use words and sounds to increase arousal and mutual sexual pleasure. Dirty talk can include single sounds or words (like “yes,” “more,” or a moan), phrases that describe what’s happening, or more complex ideas that detail upcoming action or construct a fantasy. You can use dirty talk in many different settings: during foreplay or sexual intercourse, in solo masturbation sessions, or in long-distance relationships to foster intimacy and sexual wellness between partners. The sexual technique is a key component of BDSM culture, in which the dominant partner uses dirty talk to arouse and dominate the submissive partner.

There are various types of dirty talking that sexual partners can enjoy:

1. 1. Single words or sounds. While some people enjoy lots of dirty talk in the bedroom, others prefer using fewer words with weighted meaning. Some people use single words or sounds to denote arousal in the bedroom—words like “yes,” “harder,” “more,” and “faster,” or sounds like moans, sighs, or gasps. Some people also enjoy hearing their name during sexual intercourse, so saying your partner’s name during a moment of passion can also be a massive turn on.
2. 2. Descriptions of events. An easy way to incorporate dirty talk is to describe what’s happening or how you feel at the moment. Simple statements of desire like, “I am so turned on right now,” “I like when you kiss my neck,” or “you look so sexy” can be immensely stimulating for your partner. These phrases can help both partners get in the mood by centering them in the present moment and drawing attention to the sexual activity.
3. 3. Fantasy creation. The most advanced dirty talk is a form of storytelling—describing activities in order to construct a particular fantasy or image for the other partner. These descriptions can be about what’s going to happen later (“I’m going to go down on you.”), a previous sexual encounter you both immensely enjoyed (“You looked so hot last night.”), or a mutual fantasy (“Pretend someone is watching us have sex.”). Fantasies can unlock a treasure trove of sexual energy and arousal, but check in with your partner to ensure they’re enjoying the experience.

Here are some tips for talking dirty that can improve your next steamy experience:

1. 1. Listen to your partner. People who enjoy dirty talk in their sex lives often have particular words and phrases that they prefer in the bedroom. These preferences can range from enjoying a specific word more than another or preferring a certain tone of talk (for example, a gentler style instead of a more intense one). Dirty talk can also offer additional insights into what your partner may enjoy exploring in the future. Take note if they mention a particular sex position or sex toy during their talk, and see if they want to try it out later.
2. 2. Explore different tones. Even though dirty talk has a reputation for always being sultry, serious, and kinky, it can also be more innocent. You and your partner may find that you both enjoy a tone that’s cute or teasing, or a sillier style with lots of laughs. Try out different tones during sexual activities, or pay attention to what happens naturally when you’re with your partner and replicate the tone they enjoy.
3. 3. Compliment your partner. If you can’t think of sexy things to say when talking dirty, simply make it a compliment. Telling your partner that you love the way they do something or complimenting a particular part of their body is a great way to make them feel good. You can also comment on your arousal levels as a type of compliment—for instance, telling them how aroused you feel or letting them know you love how their body looks when they’re aroused.
4. 4. Read some erotica. If you’re drawing a blank when it comes to dirty talk, erotica can offer some useful inspiration. Erotica—or stories written about sex to arouse the reader—contains a wealth of ideas for talking about sex in the bedroom. Find a few stories that you like and see if you can implement some ideas in your dirty talk with your partner.
5. 5. Talk dirty over text. If you or your partner are interested in dirty talk but feel a little shy or nervous about how to start face-to-face, consider trying it out over text first. Sexual texting (or sexting) can offer a more relaxed environment for first-time dirty talkers because it puts distance between you and your partner, and you can take your time to come up with the best response. You can also spice up your sexts with sensual photos or audio messages.
6. 6. Ask for feedback. Getting feedback after talking dirty can help finetune your performance. After your session has winded down, consider asking your partner what they liked most or weren’t quite as into. This type of pillow talk is a great way to solicit tips for improving your sexual partner. Be courteous as you and your partner talk. If they have a few critiques, accept them thankfully and avoid getting defensive or upset. Next time you talk dirty—whether with the same partner or someone new—make a conscious effort to implement that feedback for an even better experience.
7. 7. Relax and have fun. The point of dirty talk is to have a fun sexual experience with your partner. If you try out dirty talk and you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or self-conscious to the point that you’re not having fun, take a break. You can try again later or even decide that dirty talk just isn’t for you.

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