Dealing With Disappointment: How to Deal With Disappointment

Disappointment is an emotional state that human beings experience when something doesn’t go as expected or hoped. Disappointment often comes bundled with feelings of sadness, regret, betrayal, and low self-esteem. When improperly managed, disappointment can diminish mental health, but there are constructive ways to process disappointment.

Most people experience a number of major disappointments over the course of their lives. You can be disappointed in your relationships, professional achievements, financial situation, and the behavior of others. These letdowns produce negative feelings and counterproductive self-talk, diminishing your sense of self-worth. As a matter of personal wellness, you can learn healthy ways to handle negative situations so that disappointment never sabotages your outlook on life.

As an instinctive emotional reaction, disappointment is an unavoidable part of life. Given this reality, you can develop ways to handle disappointment so that negative experiences never stunt your personal growth or self-value. One way to manage feelings of disappointment is to contemplate where those feelings come from.

• Learn what triggers you. The next time you experience disappointment (or any negative emotion), take stock of what triggered you. For instance, you may feel great disappointment if a prospective employer rejects you for a job. If this happens, consider the root of your disappointment. Did you passionately want to work for that company? Or are you tying your own feelings of self-worth to how a stranger viewed your job application? If, upon deep reflection, you suspect the latter is true, ask yourself if it’s healthy to rely on a stranger’s opinion for self-validation. You may need to decouple your self-worth from an outsider’s opinion. You may be rejected on a future job application, but you will feel less disappointed if you can establish some healthy emotional distance.
• Assess your expectations. Very high expectations can motivate hard work, but they can also produce crushing feelings of disappointment if you fail to meet your goals. Challenge yourself when setting goals, but take care not to stray into perfectionism or delusional thinking, which can set you up for an emotional crash if you cannot meet your own expectations. Disappointment can result when you set unrealistic expectations.
• Watch out for the arrival fallacy. People who experience an arrival fallacy find themselves consumed with long-term goals at the expense of day-to-day well-being. Dream big but never let it hinder your everyday mental health or physical health. Otherwise, you can dwell in the fantasy of a happy future while spending the present in perpetual disappointment. To avoid the pitfalls of the arrival fallacy, make time each day for things that bring you joy—spending time with loved ones, watching favorite shows, listening to favorite podcasts, pursuing hobbies, or getting out in nature. You can embrace these daily habits without letting go of long-term goals.

No matter where you live or what you do for a living, you can count on occasionally feeling disappointment. Use these four strategies to overcome negative thoughts and prevent disappointment from consuming your life:

1. 1. Let it out. Acknowledge your emotions and express them in a healthy way. You can confide in a friend, write in a journal, consult with a mentor, talk with a therapist, or embrace a healthy activity like yoga or aerobic exercise. You may even need a good cry to let pent-up emotions escape your body. All of these coping mechanisms beat going into denial. Accept the reality that you are disappointed, and let your feelings flow naturally.
2. 2. Reframe failure as a learning experience. You will invariably experience disappointment, but there is no reason why these experiences must be purely negative. Look for the learning opportunity that comes with failure. What did you learn about the process? What would you do differently next time? You cannot change events that have already occurred, so instead, focus on how you can turn them into something positive.
3. 3. Get perspective from others. Share your feelings of disappointment with mentors, family members, and trusted friends. These people can provide a newfound perspective on your situation. They will also keep you from blaming yourself for your misfortune. They can even help you brainstorm ways to avoid a similarly disappointing situation in the future.
4. 4. Take accountability. When disappointing situations arise, you may be tempted to blame those around you. Accept responsibility for your own role in creating disappointing outcomes. This can help you avoid future mistakes. It can also be cathartic, allowing you to let go of a bad situation and move on to better things. As disappointed as you may feel, your failure isn’t the end of the world, and people will rely on you to bounce back with strength and motivation.

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