Consistency in Relationships: How Consistency Builds Security

Consistency means maintaining a regular pattern of behavior. A consistent partner exhibits qualities such as dependability and predictability. These qualities are what can carry a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase and lead to long-term secure partnerships.

Conversely, a lack of consistency can cause a breakdown of communication and trust. When your significant other lacks consistency, they may act erratically or unreliably, making it hard to know how they feel or where you stand. A healthy relationship involves two (or more) consistent people who regularly show affection and ensure their partners' needs are being met.

Building a consistent relationship takes time and effort. Though there are no shortcuts, there are things you can do to be more dependable and show your partner that they can rely on you.

• Back your words with action. It’s easy to say the right things in a relationship, but true consistency means backing it up with action. Saying “I love you” is a big step, but you have to show it too, so your partner isn’t receiving mixed signals. If you say you’re going to do something, do it—whether that’s a small chore or spending time together to make plans for the future. Inconsistent behavior damages trust and your partner's ability to rely on you.
  
• Stay in touch. Find ways to stay connected even when you’re not together. Reply promptly to missed calls and important texts, let them know when you’ll be reachable if you’re traveling, and touch base regularly. This is particularly important if you live apart, are in a long-distance relationship, or have busy conflicting schedules.
  
• Be clear and upfront. While fights and disagreements are bound to happen in any relationship, lashing out abruptly and without explanation is unkind and unsettling. If something your partner says or does bothers you, bring it up without being confrontational so they have a better understanding of your needs. Be clear about your feelings, and set expectations for what you’d like in the future.
• Find time for self-care. Take time to check in with yourself, and do things that are good for your personal well-being. Similarly, respect your partner’s personal space and alone time. When both partners are secure, they can do things alone and just for themselves without arousing jealousy or affecting the other’s self-esteem.

Craving a little more intimacy? Grab a MasterClass Annual Membership and learn more about open communication with your partners, experimenting in the bedroom, and being your own best sexual advocate with a little help from Emily Morse (host of the wildly popular podcast Sex With Emily).