Complicated Relationship: 4 Signs of a Complicated Relationship

A complicated relationship describes a partnership in which companions have differing expectations and boundaries. Complicated relationships result from a lack of effective communication between friends, family members, or significant others. Relationships with “gray areas”— such as mixed signals, limited validation, and undefined relationship statuses—are complicated since partners lack a common set of values and goals.

Common indications of a complicated relationship include:

1. 1. Difficulty showing your true self: In a secure relationship, everyone involved feels safe to show their genuine personality and feelings. Since complicated relationships avoid open communication, some partners or friends might struggle to openly express their needs and true selves.
2. 2. Lack of commitment: Faithfulness to a significant other, friend, or family member creates a sense of security for both people in the relationship. A lack of commitment is a defining sign of a complicated relationship. An inability to label a romantic relationship, as in with a friends with benefits situation, or remain loyal to a friendship results in a gray area—a key characteristic of complicated relationships.
3. 3. Negative behavior patterns: Vague boundaries are a feature of complicated and toxic relationships that often cause negative patterns of behavior. Since complicated relationships have ambiguous terms, it’s easier to overstep boundaries and create negative cycles. Common negative behavior patterns include extreme jealousy, limited communication, and overdependence on a partner, friend, or parent.
4. 4. Secret dating: A common sign of a complicated romantic relationship is secret dating. When significant others hide their relationship, boundaries blur and expectations lack a strong foundation. Hiding your relationship can also cause feelings of insecurity and anxiety in your partner, as well as prevent the relationship from moving forward.

Complicated relationships can negatively impact your emotional well-being. Confusing boundaries and contrasting goals can result in feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. You might also feel stuck in a rut since these types of vague and challenging relationships have no clear aspirations for the future.

Consider these steps for navigating a complicated relationship:

• Communicate your needs. Initiate a conversation to express what you need from the relationship. Maintain a firm yet respectful tone and provide opportunities for your partner, friend, or family member to also share their thoughts. When you openly communicate your needs, it helps define the gray areas in your relationship and prevent heartbreak.
• Consider professional help. For relationship advice regarding your professional and love life, consider seeking guidance from a therapist. By identifying strengths and weaknesses in your relationships, a therapist outlines methods for improving your interactions with friends, partners, and family members.
• Establish clear boundaries. Healthy relationships have explicit boundaries that reflect both parties’ needs and comfort levels. When navigating a complicated relationship, address gray areas by establishing clear boundaries. For romantic relationships, discuss the type of exclusivity you and your current partner expect for your sex life. In friendships and family relations, consider discussing ways to promote equal reciprocity.
• Foster a strong support system. Surrounding yourself with a positive community is another important step in navigating a complicated relationship. Dedicate time to relationships that provide you with a sense of meaning and fulfillment. As you work through your complicated relationship, turn to your support system for guidance.
• Reflect on your current relationship. Before having a conversation with your partner, friend, or family member, dedicate time to reflect on your relationship. Considering why you entered the relationship in the first place can help you address the challenges associated with your partnership. As you reflect on the beginning of your relationship, think about your compatibility and how it influences the types of relationship problems you consistently experience. By identifying what is and isn’t working, you can better formulate your thoughts and develop forms of improvement.

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