Chris Voss Quotes: Negotiation Tips From Chris Voss

Chris Voss is an acclaimed businessman, author, and academic with twenty-four years of experience as a Federal Bureau of Investigation hostage negotiator and lead international kidnapping . At the FBI, Chris led negotiations with some of the world’s most dangerous criminals in high-pressure situations. After receiving his bachelor’s degree from Iowa State University and a master’s in public administration from the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University, he became a SWAT officer at the FBI’s Pittsburgh field office. He later became a lead crisis negotiator and a key player in the New York City Joint Terrorism Task Force. After retiring in 2007, Chris joined the private sector and founded the Black Swan Group, a negotiation training and consulting firm dedicated to teaching people how to negotiate.

Chris shares the tools of effective negotiators: solution-based thoughts, emotional intelligence, and maintaining the right tone of voice. See how great negotiators use the below tips to handle high-stakes conversations with kidnappers, terrorists, and more:

• On fairness: Chris refers to fairness as the “f-bomb” because of how important it is in negotiating for gaining control. “At the beginning of a negotiation, I want you to say to the other side, ‘It’s my intention to treat you fairly. If at any point in time I’ve been unfair, let me know. We’ll go back and address it and fix it,’” he says. “Be proactive. Put yourself in a position where they’ll deal with the problem because otherwise, if they feel they’ve been treated unfairly, it’s gonna explode on you.”
• On finding yourself in a negotiation: “If you want somebody to say ‘yes’ to anything, you’re in a negotiation,” Chris says. We may not know that we are in negotiations every day, so it is important to embrace each encounter with a positive frame of mind and active listening. “If somebody’s trying to get you to say ‘yes’ to something, you’re in a negotiation,” he says. “If you say ‘I want’ or ‘you think I need,’ you're in a negotiation. You’re probably in three to seven negotiations every single day.”
• On gaining agency: “Negotiation gives people power in the face of a bully,” Chris says. Learning how to negotiate can give people agency, enable emotional stability, and develop public speaking skills. People can use negotiation tactics to deal with liars, negotiate a pay raise, communicate with teenagers, and make business negotiations.
• On saying ‘no’: Too many yeses can lead to a bad deal. “People feel safe and protected when they say ‘no,’” Chris says. “This is another one of these human nature laws of gravity. . . . A ‘no’ to a properly phrased no-oriented question is worth at least five yeses.” Often the person will provide additional information after responding “no” to a question.
• On seizing control: Successful negotiations make the other party feel empowered. “[A] calibrated question is what we used to refer to as an open-ended question. And it’s calibrated for effect—we calibrate it to make the other side feel in charge,” Chris notes. “The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control. We calibrate our questions mostly with the words ‘what’ and ‘how’ because people love to be asked what to do. People love to be asked how to do something.”
• On the mirroring technique: “Mirroring makes the other person feel listened to,” Chris says. Mirroring is another valid negotiating strategy in which you repeat the last two or three words of someone’s sentence. This establishes trust. “Part of the message it sends to the other person is, ‘I heard every word you said word for word, and I’m proving it because I just repeated it back to you. But it’s not enough. I still don’t get it,’” Chris says. This serves as an invitation for the person to share more information.
• On the rule of threes: “Getting three yeses to the same thing is important,” Chris says. “If they’ve said ‘yes’ two or three times, it’s more likely that it’s gonna stay a yes.”
• On triggering reciprocity: If you ask for something, it must be tactful; know the other person may ask for a favor in return. “Reciprocity is a natural human dynamic that exists in us because we’re humans. Some people are very guarded about it, so we have to be careful about how we trigger it. If we ask, we tend to owe,” Chris says.
• On trusting your inner voice: You can have the highest level of preparation, but if the person sitting across from you does not believe your sincerity, the negotiation will be a failure. “Why is how you say something so important to a negotiation? Well, the reality is, your inner voice betrays your outer voice,” Chris says. “Your voice, your delivery speaks volumes. It conveys deference. Everybody loves deference. It conveys genuine curiosity. It conveys collaboration. Your voice alone can be such an art.”
• On using tactical empathy: “Empathy is becoming completely aware of the other side’s perspective,” Chris says. Tactical empathy is perhaps the most valuable secret of negotiation because it shows you are open and understand the opposing person’s side. “It’s not an agreement in any way. It’s not compassion. It’s not sympathy,” Chris shares. “Emotional intelligence—or what I call tactical empathy—is the bedrock of my negotiation approach and comes from years of dealing with hostage crises.”

Learn more about negotiation strategies and communication skills from Career FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Perfect tactical empathy, develop intentional body language, and get better results every day with the MasterClass Annual Membership.