4 Breadcrumbing Signs: How to Respond to Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is an online dating term referring to the periodic messages someone will send another person, leading the recipient to believe a relationship might form when it most likely will not.

Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic that strings a romantic partner or potential romantic partner along via quick messages, so they keep coming back for more validation. In reality, the recipient might never even meet the breadcrumber. The term derives from Hansel and Gretel, the fairy tale characters who follow their seductive trail of breadcrumbs to a house made of candy, only to find a devious witch who lives within.

Know the warning signs of breadcrumbing so you don’t succumb to a romantic interest’s breadcrumbing tactics. Signs include:

1. 1. A lack of substance in communication: Conversations with breadcrumbers are often one-sided. You might ask meaningful questions or share personal details and experiences, but the breadcrumber might not come back with responses longer than a few words. Replying with only memes, emojis, or other digital media can also signify a toxic relationship. If the person does not want to have a serious conversation via text or dating apps, they might intend to keep you on the back burner if they want to hook up later.
2. 2. An avoidance of commitment: Sometimes those who breadcrumb are only interested in getting in touch when they want to hook up or sext. These late-night booty calls might give you a temporary ego boost but are not signs the person is interested in a committed relationship.
3. 3. An inability to keep plans: Breadcrumbers will frequently be noncommittal toward plans or say they can hang out only to flake at the last minute, making you think they still want to hang out another time.
4. 4. Infrequent communication: Micro-communication is a significant red flag when you’re trying to establish a healthy relationship. The person you are pining for might only reply to social media posts or stories but not engage in entire conversations, or their text messages might be concise and unsteady. For example, if you ask a question and they ignore it or only write a quick response a few days later, that might be a form of breadcrumbing.

People breadcrumb for several reasons. Online dating can make people believe the perfect person is right around the corner because there are so many options. This can make everyone seem replaceable, leading some breadcrumbing users to ignore their match’s needs or interests and keep them around just in case they run out of options.

Breadcrumbing can be a sign of a narcissist who is obsessed with power and wants to wield it over someone else. Or it could be the sign of a person with commitment issues who can’t settle down with one person out of fear of being abandoned or having to be vulnerable with another.

Breadcrumbing can have crippling effects on those coping with noncommittal romantic interests. Consider the following effects of breadcrumbing:

• Addiction to communication devices: Victims of breadcrumbing can become manic in the online dating world. They might become addicted to their interest’s short messages, riding the high of text notifications that never come frequently enough.
• Low self-esteem: Breadcrumbing can lead you to believe you are unworthy of another’s affection, which can, in turn, damage your ego and self-esteem.
• Loss of trust: Breadcrumbing can make you more afraid or anxious about being vulnerable around another person. The victim of breadcrumbing might share their genuine self only to find their interest does not reciprocate that openness.

Breadcrumbing is the act of stringing along a romantic partner or potential partner. Fortunately, if someone is breadcrumbing you, there are ways to deal with it.

• Communicate directly. Be direct if you are trying to pursue a relationship with someone but don’t feel you are getting what you need. Tell the person what you expect, give them an ultimatum, or say you need better communication.
• Stop replying. Sometimes it is best to cut the cord. If someone is not treating you respectfully in a relationship, you have the right to end it. Self-care is essential, and that can mean ending communication.
• Talk with a trusted source. Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist if you are unsure how to feel about a budding romantic relationship. Get an outside objective to determine whether someone is taking advantage of your interests and damaging your wellness.

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