Boundaries in Relationships: How to Set Healthy Boundaries

A boundary in a relationship—whether romantic, platonic, or familial—is a limit or agreement between yourself and another person or people. You can set different types of boundaries, such as psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual boundaries. All these help make for healthy relationships with mutual respect and allow you to prioritize mental health and well-being within a relationship.

Examples of boundaries include asking for personal space to wind down, addressing a partner respectfully, and knowing how to take blame for an issue. Boundaries vary from person to person, and what your partner might see as a lack of respect of their boundaries may not hold true for a friend. Therefore, it is necessary to establish boundaries with your loved ones.

Boundary setting will yield different benefits. They can allow you to:

• Avoid codependency: Codependency often results in a lack of healthy emotional boundaries. This relational dynamic is when two people emotionally depend on each other in a dysfunctional way. This often occurs in relationships with emotional intimacy, making it difficult to draw the line before unhealthy boundary-breaking habits form. Clear boundaries can help you understand that people in community do have separate lives and needs.
• Cultivate honesty: Boundaries take clarity and honesty to maintain. Asking for what you need and want doesn’t need to be painful, and the payoff is often a healthier and more sustainable relationship for everyone.
• Develop your sense of self: Boundaries can allow you to carve out time and space for you to grow and develop as an individual. This time can help you become more sensitive to your own needs, as well as to your family members’, friends’, or partner’s needs.

Boundaries look different across relationships, but here are five tips to get you started:

1. 1. Ask yourself what boundaries you want to set. You need to communicate your boundaries clearly, so ensure you know what you want so you can phrase it without being vague.
2. 2. Check in. Good boundaries require nurturing. Check in with yourself and loved ones at agreed-upon intervals to understand how they develop. Talk through boundary violations if they occur, and have conversations when terms need to change. Asking for what you want is not a one-time event.
3. 3. Know what kinds of boundaries to establish. Set boundaries with intentions and specify what kind they are and how you and your loved one will observe them. Financial boundaries and sexual boundaries, for example, require different discussions and patterns to maintain them.
4. 4. Respect others’ boundaries. Just as you want the people in your life to respect your personal boundaries, you must respect others’ boundaries. Doing so shows that you respect them and want them to feel comfortable.
5. 5. Start early. The longer a relationship goes without clearly demarcated boundaries, the harder it can become to address why you need them. On the flip side, the earlier you establish boundaries, the more time you can prevent further boundary issues.

Developing relational intelligence and improving communication are essential to boost the quality of your personal and professional relationships. Discover Esther Perel’s approach to resolving conflict, having difficult conversations, and building trust when you sign up for a MasterClass Annual Membership.