BDSM Guide: Types of BDSM and Practice Tips

BDSM is a blanket term for a wide variety of erotic practices and kinks built upon power dynamics between consenting sexual partners. “BDSM” is a combination of acronyms that stands for three similar but distinct communities that use power imbalance for sexual pleasure: bondage and discipline (B/D), domination and submission (D/s), and sadism and masochism (S/M). In general, BDSM involves one partner acting in the dominant role (or “dom”), while the other embodies the submissive role (or “sub”) as they both act out consensual fantasies. Both partners receive sexual pleasure and satisfaction from performing their role (whether dominant or submissive) during the sexual encounter.

Other “kinky” communities based on nonconforming sexual interests or fetishism are often included within the BDSM community, including those with rubber or leather fetishes or people who enjoy animal roleplay, where one partner takes on the role of an animal or pet.

BDSM is an umbrella term for many sexual preferences within the erotic community, all of which interact and overlap in various ways. The most common subcultures include:

1. 1. Bondage play: Bondage is a sexual practice in which tools are used to restrain one partner during a sexual encounter. The most common restraints include rope, leather straps, bondage tape, ties, handcuffs, spreader bars, ball gags, blindfolds, and chains. These restraints aim to restrict the subject’s senses or freedom of movement to place control in the other partner’s hands and heighten mutual sexual stimulation.
2. 2. Discipline: In the discipline community, the dominant partner will set rules that the submissive partner obeys. These rules can be sexual in nature (like requiring oral sex at particular times) or indirectly erotic (like forbidding speaking out of turn). If the submissive partner breaks a rule, the dominant partner will assign punishment, including withholding pleasure, inflicting pain (from spanking to flogging), or assigning additional rules. Both partners experience sexual pleasure in discipline roleplay.
3. 3. Dominance and submission: Dominance and submission focus on the flow of power and energy between partners. In general, one partner dominates the other physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually during a particular encounter (often called a “scene” or “session”), exploring the submissive partner’s desires, thoughts, and feelings and guiding the couple toward mutual pleasure. BDSM practitioners who like to switch between dominant and submissive roles in a relationship or even undergo a power exchange during a single encounter are known as “switches.” D/s often incorporates specific outfits or attire to be used during a scene—for instance, leather outfits, maid costumes, collars, leashes, and riding crops.
4. 4. Sadomasochism: Sadomasochism is a community in which individuals derive sexual pleasure and a rush of endorphins from inflicting or receiving pain (always consensually). Those who enjoy inflicting this pain are known as sadists, while those who enjoy feeling this pain are called masochists. The pain inflicted can be physical (with whips, clamps, paddles, or electric stimulation) or emotional (through humiliation or total submission).

If you want to experiment with BDSM for the first time but are unsure where to start, here are a few tips to make sure your experiences are safe, consensual, and fun:

1. 1. Set ground rules with your partner. To engage in healthy BDSM play, you and your partner should both agree on what you’re comfortable with before you begin—nobody should feel pressured into a particular role or feel as if they don’t have a choice. Have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the roles you’re each drawn toward so that you both feel comfortable and confident experimenting. If you’re too nervous about bringing it up directly and you’re curious about your partner’s interest levels, consider watching light BDSM erotica together to broach the subject. Learn how to talk about sex with your partner.
2. 2. Select a safe word. Trust and mutual consent between one or more partners are the foundation of BDSM. However, it may be hard to distinguish between playful banter and an honest request to slow down or stop the experience in the middle of a session. Every BDSM practitioner should establish at least one safe word with their partner—something either person can say to signal that a boundary has been crossed and a break is necessary. Additionally, you and your partner can choose two different safe words—one that signals a stop in action and another that signals you’re coming close to a boundary and should ease off or move the session in a different direction.
3. 3. Brainstorm roleplaying ideas. If you’re unsure how to begin a BDSM relationship with your partner or feeling self-conscious, consider some roleplay scenarios that can help jumpstart the action. Boss and employee, teacher and student, doctor and patient, or two strangers are all roles that you can take on to help distance yourself from the situation, which can be a great way to help you get over stage fright so that you can relax and enjoy yourself.
4. 4. Start small. If you’re new to BDSM, avoid buying a complicated rope system or a fancy leather outfit. Instead, let yourself ease in to see if this form of sex play suits you and your partner. Try light BDSM activities for starters; many discipline or D/s sessions only require two willing participants and some imagination. If you want to buy equipment, a blindfold and some wrist restraints are useful, inexpensive items that you can continue to use if you determine that hardcore BDSM activities are not for you.
5. 5. Understand risk. There are two main schools of thought regarding how to treat risk during sessions—the “safe, sane, and consensual” model (SSC) and the “risk-aware consensual kink” model (RACK). Those who follow the SSC model emphasize safety, sticking to activities that you and your partner have designated as “safe” beforehand. Those who follow the RACK model believe that the word “safe” is problematic because most BDSM activities are inherently risky and that emphasizing safety takes away participants’ freedom to evaluate risk on their own or engage in higher-risk BDSM play. For those who follow the RACK model, the responsibility to determine risk and comfort is with each individual—making explicit consent even more crucial.
6. 6. Aftercare is key. Many sexual activities—and BDSM sessions in particular—can be physically or emotionally intense for both participants, so partners must engage in healthy aftercare following the sexual experience. Discussion, cuddling, and cleaning up together are great ways to help everyone wind down and process the session, fostering a sense of calm, physical wellness, and emotional well-being.
   

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