Acts of Service Love Language: 12 Examples of Acts of Service

Dr. Gary Chapman—who first hypothesized the theory of different love languages in his best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages—defines a love language as the particular way you receive and express love in your relationships. Love languages exist in all types of relationships, including those with your significant other and loved ones such as family and friends. When receiving love, you usually have one preferred, primary love language, though you may respond to more than one. The five different love languages include:

1. 1. Acts of service: This love language centers on doing activities that make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person, such as running errands, picking up the dry cleaning, doing the grocery shopping, or other household chores.
2. 2. Gift-giving: The love language of gift-giving doesn’t necessarily mean big, expensive gifts. It can be little things like buying your partner their favorite snack, surprising them with flowers, or making them a playlist of their favorite songs.
3. 3. Physical touch: If you respond to physical touch, you crave physical closeness through hugs, holding hands, massages after a long day, cuddling, and even little spontaneous touches to feel loved.
4. 4. Quality time: When you pay attention to your partner and nothing else, you give them the gift of quality time. Your entire focus is on them, intending to connect genuinely. Scheduled time together, such as a date night for just the two of you, is quality time.
5. 5. Words of affirmation: When you tell someone “I love you” or encourage them, you use the words of affirmation love language. Dr. Chapman believes affirming words of love, recognition, and praise fill the “love tank” of whoever receives them.

If your partner’s love language is acts of service, they feel loved when you do specific activities for them, whether they ask for this support or not. You’re giving them your energy and time by doing something that makes their life easier or more enjoyable.

It’s important to distinguish the intentionality of acts of service from an expectation of servitude. Service, in this case, is an act of love based on knowledge of your partner and their needs. Your actions reflect an intimate awareness of your significant other and what they’ll appreciate.

Acts of service vary widely from person to person, depending on what they might appreciate. Some examples of service you might do for your partner include:

1. 1. Clean the house unprompted.
2. 2. Get their car washed and filled with gas.
3. 3. Help with their computer problems.
4. 4. Look after the kids and give your partner the night off with their friends.
5. 5. Make them a cup of coffee first thing in the morning.
6. 6. Pack them a lunch for the day.
7. 7. Pay the bills.
8. 8. Plan a vacation for both of you.
9. 9. Take care of them when they’re sick.
10. 10. Take out the garbage.
11. 11. Walk the dog.
12. 12. Wash the dishes.

If your partner’s love language is acts of service, you know actions speak louder than words. Here’s how to give acts of service:

1. 1. Acknowledge each other’s support. Thank your partner when they’ve spoken your love language, and tell them you appreciate it when they do the same. Create a cycle of loving acts and appreciation for one another, and both of you will feel valued in the relationship.
2. 2. Ask what acts of service are most meaningful to them. Get specific. Do they prefer you ask before running that bath for them, or that you just do it? Do they love when you take care of the laundry but prefer to pay the bills themselves? Be open and honest. Learn how to be a better listener.
3. 3. Communicate. Communication about what works for both of you is vital in love languages. It’s essential to be on the same page regarding what types of love expressions appeal to each of you. Learn how to communicate in a relationship.
4. 4. Encourage them to ask when they want something. Encourage your partner to ask for what they need when they need it. Supporting each other’s needs in those crucial moments leads to good mental health and a love that lasts.

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